Primarily Color
by Kara Wild
Summary: When Jodie receives a racist note, she automatically suspects Sandi of being its author. And Lawndale High tries to combat racism through a touchy-feely diversity week that leaves Daria and Jane cold.


"Daria" is owned and copyrighted by MTV. All rights reserved. This is **not** an episode, but the best imitation of an episode that I could write. Thanks to the creators of "Daria" for providing so much rich material for fanfics.... 

This is the fourteenth episode of The Driven Wild Universe. It follows

  1. "Rose-Colored Lenses," 
  2. "The Tie That Chokes," 
  3. "That Thing You Say," 
  4. "'Shipped Out," 
  5. "Andrea Speaks!", 
  6. "Cheered Down," 
  7. "None in the Family, Part One," 
  8. "None in the Family, Part Two," 
  9. "Outvoted," 
  10. "Of Absolute Value," 
  11. "Breaking the Mold," 
  12. "Surreal World," and 
  13. "Erin the Head."

I give it between a 2S and a 2.5S... 

The title, of course, is derived from **Primary Colors** by Anonymous (_actually the prominent Newsweek columnist, Joe Klein_). That book detailed a Bill Clinton-like man's rise to power in the 1992 presidential election. It has absolutely **nothing** to do with the theme of this fanfic... but I liked the play on the title. : >

**WARNING**: This fanfic contains some offensive language, though it's placed in a context that is not meant to offend. 

That said... Enjoy!!!

**Ten Spot Promo:** Another made-up one -- a parody of the Britney Spears video,"Hit Me, Baby." Only it's **Brittany** in the Britney Spears role, wearing sexy lingerie and dancing around. Daria, Jane, and Quinn are her slumber party buddies, and they're also dancing around, wearing sexy lingerie. Brittany keeps tripping over the dance moves. Quinn keeps trying to jump in front of her. Daria performs her moves very mechanically. You can picture the rest. ; >

Until new Ten Spot Promos come along... 

[intro theme music...................]

# PRIMARILY COLOR

_by_

## Kara Wild

* * *

**ACT ONE**

SCENE 1 (_Lawndale High, after school_)

(Shot of Jodie standing at her locker, fiddling with the combination, the hallway behind her nearly empty. Most students have gone home, and Jodie is making a routine stop before heading off to a student council meeting. She opens her locker and spies a folded white piece of paper lying on top of her other things. Jodie frowns mildly. **She** didn't put it there, but maybe Mack did, or someone from student council. She unfolds the paper with an air of nonchalance and reads.)

(As she reads, we see her face grow progressively pale. At one point, she bites her lip to avoid crying out. Finally, she blinks hard and crumples the paper into a ball, then hurls it as far as it will go. The paper lands softly on the ground and lies there for several seconds, while Jodie watches it, her face now red. She blinks hard and takes deep breaths, trying to calm down. At long last, she slams her locker shut and starts off in the opposite direction, determined to forget about what she'd read. But after taking a few steps, she turns around and looks at the crumpled-up note in the distance again. We see her shoulders sink down, and a defeated look in her eyes. She walks toward the note.)

(_fade-out. fade-in to:_)

SCENE 2 (_a short time later_)

(We see Jodie sitting in a corner of the hallway, her back against one of the lockers. Her legs are pressed to her chest, and she is holding the now-unfolded note. She turns it from side to side, looking at it with a dull expression. She is so absorbed in her own thoughts, she doesn't notice Quinn walking right past her in the direction of the bathroom, and Quinn doesn't notice her.)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 3 (_bathroom_)

(Shot of Quinn walking blithely through the door and up to the mirror. She immediately begins her afterschool, pre-Fashion Club meeting grooming. This ritual lasts for several seconds, during which time Quinn hums to herself in a chipper tone. Suddenly we hear the door to one of the stalls open slowly, then see Sandi appear onscreen. Her expression is wary -- she evidently hoped to have the bathroom to herself, and Quinn's presence isn't cause for joy. Similarly, Quinn 's face takes on an expression of shock. Both immediately mask their feelings with phony smiles.)

**QUINN:** (_faux gracious_) Oh **hi**, Sandi. So good to see you. 

**SANDI:** (_also faux gracious, but her heart sounding less into it_) **Hi**, Quinn. Likewise. 

**QUINN:** Don't you usually have student council meetings today?

(_Beat_)

**SANDI:** (_smirking, starting to apply make-up_) Yes, but they're willing to wait until I've reached my **optimum** level of attractiveness. That's how it is when you're the **one** bright spot in their **entire** day. 

**QUINN:** (_faux interested_) Wow, really? (_little laugh._) 'Cause I could've **sworn** someone else said something completely different. Jodie, was it? (_At that, Sandi gets a dark look on her face._) Oh, but I'm **sure** I just heard wrong. There probably couldn't be a student council **without** you, Sandi. [*] see "Surreal World"

**SANDI:** Yes. (_Pause. glances sideways at Quinn. faux friendly._) Oh by the way, Quinn, I just wanted to say how **sorry** I am that you still haven't fixed your **problem**. 

**QUINN:** (_suspicious, but trying to hide it_) What problem is that?

(Sandi eyes Quinn's glasses. Quinn purses her lips and tries to remain civil.)

**QUINN:** Oh **these**? (_uneasy laugh._) These're no problem, besides the field of optometry is coming closer and closer to making contact lenses for my type of astigmatism and until then no one minds them. There is **no** problem. None. 

**SANDI:** (_smirking_) If you **say** so. 

(Beat. Now neither she nor Quinn can conceal the irritation they feel toward one another. Quinn focuses her attention on the mirror, proceeds to brush her hair with faux nonchalance.)

**QUINN:** Y' know, I was just thinking... 

**SANDI:** (_cocking a brow_) **Yes**?

**QUINN:** (_through clenched teeth_) How really **great** it is that we can **finally** talk to each other like **normal** people --

**SANDI:** (_eyes narrowing_) You mean without having to **suck** up and put on **phony** displays to make the other person think we **like** them when in **fact** --

**QUINN:** We hate their guts! **Exactly**. 

(_She and Sandi eye each other venomously._)

**SANDI:** (_slowly_) Gee, I'm glad to hear you feel that way. I guess you won't **take** it so hard then when I tell you the quality of the **fashion** at this school has taken a serious **plunge** since you became Fashion Club president. 

**QUINN:** (_bracing herself_) Oh?? And just how do **you** think you could correct it??

**SANDI:** Well I could just find a **replacement**, (_smirks._) but better if I recommend to my fellow council members that the club be **penalized**, maybe a cut in funding to make its members **really** see the errors of --

**QUINN:** (_jaw dropping_) You **wouldn't**. 

**SANDI:** (_faux innocent_) Why not? If it's for the **good** of the school. 

(Quinn looks ready to give a really nasty retort, one that could possibly provoke a catfight. But then she straightens up, tosses her hair, and smirks.)

**QUINN:** Go ahead, then. Not like anyone will **listen** to you. 

(Sandi's eyes narrow. Quinn knows she's won. She takes her make-up, gives Sandi a nod, and starts to leave. Sandi tries to shore up her dignity.)

**SANDI:** Oh Quinn? (_Bt_) Next time you come in here to apply make-up, don't bother to bring **mascara**. (_smirks._) No one will see it. 

(Pause. Quinn turns and gives Sandi a death stare. Sandi returns it with a hard look of her own.)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 4 (_lockers, a short time later_)

(Cut to shot of Daria and Jane standing beside their lockers, getting ready to leave.)

**JANE:** So... what say we forego our usual pizza for the new chili place in the mall? All you can eat. 

**DARIA:** Does it provide you with a new stomach in case the old one gives way?

**JANE:** Hmm... we'll have to see. (_Just then, we see Mack and Jodie walk past them in the foreground._) Hey there, love **bird-erinos**!

(Mack and Jodie continue to walk without acknowledging her or Daria. Jane frowns.)

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) What did you expect? Who in their right minds would respond to **that** nickname?

**JANE:** Say Daria, did Jodie look kind of funny to you?

(Cut to shot of Jodie and Mack -- pan to follow them. As Jane noticed, Jodie is still pale and visibly shaken from the note. Mack is gazing at it and frowning darkly.)

**MACK:** (_shaking his head_) I can't believe it. I'll **kill** whoever wrote this. 

**JODIE:** (_distressed_) Look Michael, can we please just let this **go**? I don't want to think about it anymore. 

**MACK:** Jodie, we can't let this go. That **jerk** obviously put this in your locker hoping to intimidate you. We have to show it to somebody. 

**JODIE:** (_irritation creeping in_) To Ms. Li so she can say "We'll look into it" and nothing happens?? I've been through this before, and that's how it **always** goes. 

**MACK:** (_determined_) Then we'll have to show it to someone **else**... 

(_fade-out. fade-in to:_)

SCENE 5 (_Landon residence, evening_)

(Shot of the outside. Cut to shot of Jodie, Mack, and Michele Landon sitting in the living room. Andrew Landon's pacing furiously around the room, reading from the sheet of paper.)

**ANDREW:** ... Uppity black **bitch** slut mother f--

**JODIE:** **Dad**!

**ANDREW:** (_continuing, checking language_) You have no **bleeping** business being president of our school. Better hand the job over to someone who knows what he or she is **doing** --!

**JODIE:** (_meeker_) Dad, please... 

**MICHELE:** (_sharp_) That's **enough**, Andrew. 

**ANDREW:** (_muttering_) And go hang out with the other nigger welfare queens -- (_crumples up the paper, flings it to the ground, kicks it._) God **dammit**, I'm madder than hell!!

**MACK:** (_sober_) It kind of had that effect on us, too, sir. 

**MICHELE:** (_taking the paper, smoothing it out_) Jodie, I can't **believe** this has happened to you before and you **never** told us. 

**JODIE:** The last time was a long time ago. Before I even became president. 

**ANDREW:** **Dammit**, none of my kids're on welfare!

**MICHELE:** (_to Jodie_) That doesn't matter. This kind of hate-filled, fear-mongering diatribe should **not** go unpunished. 

**ANDREW:** I pay my taxes! Hell, when I see a welfare mother, I get as **scornful** as the rest of them!

**MICHELE:** Drew, **settle** down. (_to Jodie_) Do you have **any** idea who might've written this?

**JODIE:** No. (_Pause. gets a thoughtful frown._) **Wait**... (_sighs._) no. 

**MACK:** (_grim_) Anybody with an inferiority complex. 

**ANDREW:** It doesn't matter **who** wrote these notes -- the point is, you went to the ones in charge for help, and they didn't **do** anything!

**MICHELE:** Yes, **exactly**. And it's **that** kind of sitting-on-their-hands philosophy that keeps minorities down at these majority-white schools. 

**JODIE:** (_peevish_) So what are you suggesting? That I storm Ms. Li's office and threaten her until she agrees to hunt down whoever's responsible??

**ANDREW:** Hell, why **not**? That woman's got enough surveillance equipment. 

**MICHELE:** No, Drew, I think **we** should be the ones to do the threatening. (_stands up and walks over to the phone._)

**JODIE:** (_wary_) What are you doing?

**MICHELE:** There's **got** to be a civil rights violation **somewhere** in this. 

(_Beat. Jodie realizes what her mom's about to do. Her eyes widen._)

**JODIE:** Mom, **no**! If you make a big deal out of this, everyone's gonna find out about it!

**ANDREW:** (_scoffing_) So **what**? It's about time. 

**MICHELE:** (_picking up the phone_) Don't you **see**, sweetheart, that we've got to **kill** this cancerous growth before it spreads? If **you're** silenced by these threats, then just imagine all the **smart** black women who could follow. Think of Rachel. 

**ANDREW:** **Yeah**. And this is **just** the kind of crap your mother and I dealt with when we first moved to Lawndale. 

**MICHELE:** And when **I** was senior V.P. at U.S. World. (_starts dialing._)

**JODIE:** (_desperate_) But don't **you** see?? I have to be with these people every day. My life's stressful enough already, and after this, it'll never be **normal**!

**MACK:** (_sympathetic_) But at least something good might come from it. 

(Jodie exhales sharply and shakes her head. Mack pats her hand. Meanwhile, Michele's got the phone to her ear.)

**MICHELE:** (_no-nonsense_) Hi, Helen?? Michele. Listen, if you want to make up for all the stupid, **lame-brained**, insensitive comments you've ever made to me and my family, get your ass over here **now**. 

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 6 (_Lawndale High, several weeks later_)

(Shot of the outside. Cut to close-up shot of a newspaper. In the bottom righthand corner of the front page is a bold-faced headline. Cut to wider shot to show Jane holding the newspaper, reading the headline and the article.)

**JANE:** "Lawndale High Faces Class Action Lawsuit." (_faux dramatic._) Lawndale High School found itself **embroiled** in controversy yesterday when parents of **dozens** of minority students, represented by the law firm of (_sly glance at Daria._) Vitale, Davis, Horowitz, Riordan... 

(_As Jane reads off the names, Daria rolls her eyes._)

**JANE:** ... Schrecter, Schrecter, **and** Schrecter... blah-blah-blah... (_Bt. dramatic falsetto._) "We're going to **rip** this school wide open and expose the **corruption** infested in its bowels!" said lawyer on the case, Helen Morgendorffer. (_normal voice._) Ooh -- in its **bowels**? Catchy. 

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) You think that's bad, you should hear the soundbites she spews at home. 

**JANE:** Yeech -- so she's **really** into it, is she?

**DARIA:** Oh yeah. Her Sixties sense of righteousness has struck with a vengeance. 

**JANE:** That, and she feels she owes the Landons big. 

**DARIA:** Yep. 

**JANE:** (_reading_) The controversy began when Student Body President Jodie Landon reported blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... **Since** then, Morgendorffer claims to have found **several** more violations... (_stops reading. shakes her head._) Boy, just the publicity Jodie's always wanted, eh?

**DARIA:** Which explains why she's been a no-show these past couple of days. 

**JANE:** So who d' you think did it?

**DARIA:** Someone without conscience or spine. Targeting Jodie's like targeting the Easter bunny. 

**JANE:** (_vaguely bitter_) Yes, well I can think of **one** person who matches that description. 

**DARIA:** Sandi Griffin?

**JANE:** Ooh yeah. (_rolls her eyes._) She's an **ambitious** one, she is. Can't win the presidency by dragging **one** person through the wringer, so she stoops to racial slurs against another. 

**DARIA:** This almost seems too crude to be Sandi's handiwork. Isn't she more the "sugar to your face, poison **dart** in your backside"-type person?

**JANE:** You would think so, wouldn't you? But then again, making your opponent out to be a potential murderer on your website seems crude, as well, and Sandi did **that**. [*] see "Outvoted"

(_Daria cocks an eyelid and nods._)

**JANE:** (_reading_) **Esteemed** principal, Angela Li, protests that **she** was never... 

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 7 (_Li's office, at that same time_)

(_Close-up shot of Li, burning with rage._)

**MS. LI:** Oh good **lord**! Do you **realize** how **much** of a public relations **disaster** this is?! First threats of school violence, now **this**?!

(Cut to wider shot. Mr. O'Neill is sitting across from her, looking concerned, but much calmer.)

**MR. O'NEILL:** Now, now, Ms. Li, I'm sure we'll be able to address this problem in a way that'll make our school a **stronger** place to be. (_does a fist pump._)

**MS. LI:** Ooooh -- I'll **stronger** you! This is just going to **drag** our institution's reputation into the **mud**, I just **know** it! (_gestures angrily at a list on her desk._) And just **look** at these demands! These people act as though IIIIIII **personally** oppressed their children. 

(_O'Neill gets a nervous look on his face. No point in telling her the truth._)

**MS. LI:** (_resentful_) Well **unlike** their whiiiite attorney, I **understand** what it's like to be **belittled** by the majority culture!

**O'NEILL:** (_encouraging_) That's **good**, Ms. Li! You should let it out. 

**MS. LI:** (_glaring at him_) But since they're holding a gun to my head, I guess I have no **choice** but to settle. (_Bt_) They want protection for their children from racial slurs?? (_vaguely ominous._) Well they'll **get** it... 

(_fade-out. fade-in to:_)

SCENE 8 (_Lawndale High, a few days later_)

(Shot of the outiside entrance to the auditorium. Cut to shot of Jodie seated in one of the chairs in the front row, looking ill-at-ease. Other students can be seen filing in and filling the other seats. Just then, we see Brittany and Kevin creeping down the aisle so that they're a short distance from Jodie. They're looking at her and whispering.)

**KEVIN:** (_a bit too loud_) So babe, ya think we should say something to her?

**BRITTANY:** Yeah. (_twirls a lock of hair._) Something, like, really supportive or whatever. 

**KEVIN:** How d' we do that? Awkward stuff, like, creeps me out. 

**BRITTANY:** Yeah, me too. (_Bt. loud panicked whisper._) **Quick** Kevvy: let's just sneak away an' act like we never saw her!

**JODIE:** (_turning around, sarcastic_) Hi guys. It's nice to know you care. 

(_Brittany and Kevin look at each other._)

**BRITTANY:** **Eap**!

**KEVIN:** Yeah, **eap**!

**BRITTANY:** (_pleading_) We're sorry, Jodie, we didn't --

**JODIE:** That's okay, Brittany. I'll talk to you later. 

(Brittany and Kevin nod and quickly run off. Jodie groans and shakes her head. Just then, we see Mack approach her from the opposite direction. He takes a seat beside her.)

**JODIE:** (_frustrated_) You **see**? They're, like, the gazillionth people who've **done** that to me today. This is exactly what I didn't want. 

**MACK:** (_smiling. sympathetic_) Recognition?

**JODIE:** **Pity**. **Weird** behavior. People suddenly don't know how to act around me. I'm not Jodie Landon, Honor Student, I'm "that poor girl." (_rolls her eyes._) Well they can save their pity. I don't care. 

**MACK:** Well hey, at least that means they're **noticing**, right?? Didn't you once tell me you wished people could understand how hard it was to be Miss Perfect African-American Student?

**JODIE:** Yes, but what **good** is it gonna do me? It won't change the fact that I'm black and most of the people here are white. 

**MACK:** You don't think so, huh? (_with unusual vehemence._) Well maybe it'll make people think twice before telling a racist joke or saying something that could be offensive. (_Bt_) I don't know about you, but I get sick of having to defend myself all the time. Like when people call me "Oreo," or when I have to expain my feelings about "The Boondocks." And I'm sick of laughing good-naturedly everytime someone like **Kevin** jokes that black men can only be good at sports. Hell, if this opens their eyes just a **little**, that's great by me. 

(_Pause. Jodie absorbs this, gets an acknowledging look on her face._)

**JODIE:** Yeah. (_Bt_) But what if the opposite happens?

(_Cut to shot of Jane and Daria sitting in the center seats of the center row._)

**JANE:** (_looking offscreen_) Hey! Jodie's back. 

**DARIA:** (_also looking_) Yeah. And just in time for the P.C. Jamboree. 

**JANE:** (_faux scolding_) Now, now... it's an assembly to promote cultural awareness. 

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) Let's see if it makes me aware of anything besides the minutes it's making me spend that I can never have back. 

(Jane raises a brow. Cut to shot of the stage. We see Ms. Li advancing to the podium, while several of the teachers sit in chairs onstage, a la "Esteemsters.")

**MS. LI:** Good morning, students! It's come to my attention that a teeeeeeerrible **misconception** about our school has surfaced. That this is an institution of **conformity** and lack of tolerance, instead of the **bastion** of diverse backgrounds and experiences we know it to be. Right? (looks over at the teachers -- they don't say anything. taps her shoe, glares at them.) I said **right**??!

**TEACHERS:** Oh yes!/ Definitely!/ Of course!!

**MS. LI:** So we've decided it's high-time to let the world know just how diverse we **really** are. To start, I've made up a list of do's and don't's that will promote raaaaaacial sensitivity. 

(Cut to shot of the audience. Teachers standing in the aisles begin passing out sheets of paper to each student in the rows. Cut to shot of Jodie and Mack, looking them over.)

**MACK:** (_reading_) "Do not call minorities 'colored people.' Call them 'people of color.'" (A slightly confused expression crosses his face. Then he shrugs a "works for me.")

(_Cut to shot of Quinn, Tiffany, and Stacy._)

**STACY:** (_reading_) "Only under certain circumstances is it okay to call someone descended from Central or South America 'Hispanic,' 'Chicano,' or 'Latino.'" (_Bt. gets a freaked-out look on her face._) **Which** circumstances?!

(_Cut to shot of Jane and Daria._)

**JANE:** Hey, they even threw in a few lines about us **socially**-challenged folks. You're "cranially endowed," and I have a "uniquely visual outlook."

(Resume shot of the stage. DeMartino leaps up out of his chair and bolts over to the podium.)

**DeMARTINO:** And if any of you MIScreants dares to spout a possibly INSENSITIVE remark, **AUTOMATIC SUSPENSION**!!

**MS. LI:** **Yes**, under the new "zero tolerance" policy. (_eyes DeMartino._) And that goes for **instructors** as well. 

(_Beat_)

**DeMARTINO:** (_confused_) What do you... ? (_Then it sinks in._) Aw, come ON, Ms. Li! You **can't** expect ME to keep my **mouth** shut --!

**MS. LI:** Take your **seat**, Mr. DeMartino. 

(Cut to shot of Sandi. During the commotion that ensues, she and her several hangers-on look at the list.)

**SANDI:** (_smirking_) **Fat** people are called "gravitationally **endowed**"?? Excuse me, but I don't **think** so. 

(She starts chuckling, as do some other people. Cut to shot of Jodie. She picks up on the chuckling and turns to look, her eyes narrowing.)

**MS. LI:** (_offscreen_) Well now that **that's** settled, let us give a **hearty** round of applause for Ms. Brittany Taylor as she performs a diversity cheer she wrote **all** by herself --

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 9 (_O'Neill's class, the next day_)

(Shot of the classroom as seen from the outside. Cut to shot of the inside: all of the desks are arranged in a large circle, with O'Neill sitting directly across from Jodie. Jodie's got her arms crossed and wears a "Why me?" expression. The other students look at her, either with interest or indifference.)

**O'NEILL:** (_touchy-feely_) I, for one, **cherish** this opportunity to foster **closer** relations between most of us who are white, and our brothers and sisters of **color**. 

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) I always felt like I never knew enough purple people. 

(Jodie, in spite of her discomfort, can't keep from chuckling. Other students follow suit.)

**O'NEILL:** (_hand to his mouth. concerned_) Oh my... class, this **isn't** a laughing matter. Jodie first helped bring this **disturbing** issue to the fore, and we should thank her for showing **courage** and **conviction**. **I** plan to do so by keeping diversity alive not just through the right words and books, but through **caring**. 

(_Several wary glances are exchanged._)

**O'NEILL:** (_oblivious_) The assembly yesterday kicked off a nonstop **care-athon** which I'm going to oversee! Let's honor it by **joining** hands. Let the **oneness** flow through our veins!

(_At the word "oneness," people again start cracking up._)

**JANE:** (_wicked_) Will there be singing?

**ANDREA:** **No** way. 

(After some resistance, the students start to link up. One look from Daria, and Kevin knows better than to offer her his hand.)

**O'NEILL:** And let us hear of Jodie Landon's tale of **suffering**. 

**JODIE:** **What**?

**O'NEILL:** C' mon, Jodie, don't be afraid. Through your lawsuit against the school, you've shown the courage to come **this** far. (_fist pump._) Now let us feel your pain. Let us know what you go through **every** day because of society's **intolerance**. (_shudders dramatically._)

(long Pause. Jodie looks seriously bowled-over. On the one hand, she's skeptical of O'Neill's warm an' fuzzy approach [who wouldn't be?]. She's also reluctant to talk about stuff that could be painful or that could drive an even bigger wedge between her and other students. At the same time, this **is** a rare opportunity. Jodie looks like she's about to give in to it when, at the last minute, she rolls her eyes instead.)

**JODIE:** (_frustrated_) Mr. O'Neill, no offense, but you're acting as though **I'm** the only member of an oppressed minority group. But there are **lots** of people in this room who are. 

**O'NEILL:** Hmm... an interesting observation. 

**JODIE:** Like **yourself**. (_Bt_) The Irish were oppressed for centuries because of their culture and religion. People even called **them** black. 

(_Beat_)

**O'NEILL:** (_stunned_) Why... why **yes**. That's **true**. (_sniffles, tears up a little._) I never thought anyone would take my heritage seriously. **Damn** those unfeeling potato jokes! (_sniff, sniff._)

**JANE:** Um, do you need a minute alone?

**O'NEILL:** No, no, I'm fine. (_takes a deep breath._) But it feels so much better knowing someone **understands** my inner sorrow. Which is why, Jodie, **you** mustn't be afraid to speak out and reveal **your** pain to all of us. 

(_Again Jodie hesitates._)

**BRITTANY:** Yeah, come on, Jodie!

**OTHER STUDENTS:** Yeah... 

(_Jodie gets a slightly more receptive look on her face._)

**JODIE:** Well, I... (_interrupted by the P.A._)

**MS. LI:** (_stern_) Saaaaaaaandra Griffin, report to my office **immediately**. 

(Cut to shot of the students in Mr. Phelps's class. Quinn was writing out a problem on the blackboard, but is now looking at Sandi, along with Stacy, Tiffany, and the rest of the class. All are stunned by the ferocity in their principal's tone.)

**OTHER STUDENTS:** (_teasing_) Oooooooooh... 

**PHELPS:** (_dryly amused_) My heavens, Ms. Griffin, she sounds in desperate need of your company. 

**SANDI:** (_smirking with bravado_) She probably needs more **makeover** tips. I'd better go help her. 

(She stands with a little uneasiness and heads toward the door. Quinn watches her, until she feels her teacher tapping her on the shoulder.)

**PHELPS:** (_gently firm_) Eyes on the blackboard, Ms. Morgendorffer. 

(_Quinn frowns a little and turns away. When she glances back, Sandi's gone._)

(Cut to shot of the students in Mr. O'Neill's class. Jodie smiles with secret satisfaction and relief, and continues with what she was saying.)

**END OF ACT ONE**

[Shot of Andrew Landon drop-kicking the offending note.]

You are now entering **SUPER BOWL** commercial **HELL**!!!!!! Please keep your seatbelt securely fastened. You are about to see some of the lamest, most **EXPENSIVE** commercials put on television. 

  * "Next Friday, on the Ten Spot: Ever wanted to know what life was like back when Daria was a bun in Helen's oven?? Well here's your chance to find out. Catch it next week on an all-new 'Daria.'"

All right, I know this is a little dated, but oh well. There were far too many e-this and dot-com-**that** commercials, along with Budweiser and Charles Schwab. However, there were several that stood out in my mind, and I've gone to the trouble to rate them on a scale of 0 to 10, 10 being the best.

  * A guy runs after an elevator filled with people carrying pizza and other party goods. He manages to get one hand, carrying a six-pack of beer [which, I forgot], stuck inside. The people inside drink the beer, then try to shake the guy by taking the elevator up, but end up making him crash into the ceiling instead. Um... funny? I'd give it a ****
6 for originality, **6** for special effects, and **3** for good taste. Overall rating: **5**. 

Kickoff... one man grabs the ball. Another man tackles him. After these exhilirating 10 seconds, we cut to another commercial...

  * The futuristic commercial which has Christopher Reeve getting up and walking after his spinal cord injury is cured. Poignant... and eerie. The multiple T.V. screens which display this to the public seem reminiscent of Big Brother, and I just couldn't help feeling creeped out by the fact that in real life, Reeves is **still** a quadraplegic. Still, I'd give it a ****
10 fo idealism, **8** for special effects, and **7** for creepy futuristic look, giving an overall rating of **8.3**. 

You are now leaving **SUPER BOWL** commercial **HELL**. Aren't you happy you survived?

## 

PRIMARILY COLOR

* * *

**ACT TWO**

SCENE 1 (_Griffin residence, that evening_)

(Shot of the outside. Cut to shot of Linda Griffin sitting on one end of the living room couch, Sandi on the other end. Linda's got the phone to her ear and a no-nonsense look on her face. Sandi sits there with her arms folded, looking tired and pissed-off.)

**LINDA:** (_into the receiver_) Just what the **hell** do you think you're doing **suspending** my daughter??

(Split screen with her on the left and Ms. Li, still in her office at school, on the right. Li appears irritated and wary... even more so than usual.)

**MS. LI:** It's all veeeeeeeeery simple, Mrs. Griffin. Jodie Landon said your daughter wrote her a **racially** offensive note a while back, so I merely **wielded** my powers under the new "zero tolerance" policy. 

(Linda peers over at Sandi, who looks back at her with a pouty "Oh **come** on" expression.)

**LINDA:** (_to Li_) Where's your **evidence**?? How can you be so sure it was **Sandi** who wrote that note??

**MS. LI:** I've got aaaaaaaaall the evidence I need in the "Class Land" footage, in which your daughter was **threatening** Ms. Landon. [*] see "Surreal World"

**LINDA:** (_looking at Sandi_) **Threatening** Jodie Landon on **television**??

**SANDI:** (_defensive_) She was threatening **me**, too! Like, you'd understand if you **watched**. 

**LINDA:** (_to Li_) I would like to see this **footage** of which you speak. 

**MS. LI:** Certainly Mrs. Griffin... if you can handle watching your daughter **also** declare that she's ashaaaaamed of you. 

(Pause. Linda's normal expression of cool assurance gets replaced by one of shock, as though she's been punched in the stomach. She again looks at Sandi, who thinks she's still talking about the threats. Sandi shakes her head decisively.)

**LINDA:** (_to Li, slightly hoarse_) I-I just don't understand how you could **treat** her this way, after **everything** I've done for the school. 

**MS. LI:** Ooh-hoo, some new security lights and free publicity don't **quite** make up for a class action lawsuit that's threatening to **shatter** our reputation. (_Bt_) Besides, those items were contigent on your daughter being **Vice-President** of the Student Body, a role which she gave up weeeeeks ago. [*] see "Outvoted"

(_Pause. Linda looks at Sandi, this time with anger._)

**LINDA:** (_slowly_) She **quit** student council?

(_Quickly, Sandi goes from looking defiant to pale and subdued._)

**MS. LI:** Ohhh, **yes**. And let me tell you something **else**, Mrs. Griffin. (_eyes narrow._) People like your daughter make me **sick**. The way she and others think they can just **bully** minority students, I'm only **too** glad to be able to put her in her place. So **until** she apologizes to Jodie Landon, her suspension staaaaaands. 

(Linda clicks off the phone decisively. Cut to full shot. She lays the phone down slowly, her eyes still narrowed.)

**LINDA:** (_slowly, with an edge_) Why did you quit student council?

(_Pause. Sandi reddens._)

**SANDI:** (_mumbling_) My reasons are **personal**. 

**LINDA:** Was it because you **threatened** Jodie Landon and made racist comments?!

**SANDI:** **No**. Like, all I did was bring her down a peg. She was acting all **high**-and-mighty, treating me like I was a big **jerk**, and I just told her what the hell did **she** know? What made **her** the exper--?

**LINDA:** You are going to apologize to her. 

**SANDI:** (_eyes widening_) But nothing I said was racist!

**LINDA:** (_hard_) **Dammit**, Sandi, after all I did for you, pulling strings to **get** you the vice-presidency, only to watch you **throw** it away, the **least** you could do --

**SANDI:** Mother, I'm **telling** you the truth. 

**LINDA:** (_unyielding_) You will **not** make me look bad to the other businesswomen in this community. **Especially** Michele Landon. She may not be with U.S. World any longer, but she **still** carries influence --

(Sandi looks as though she's ready to protest again, then closes her mouth and tries to suck in her resentment.)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 2 (_Morgendorffer house, next evening_)

(Shot of the outside. Cut to shot of the four Morgendorffers at dinner. [Let's try to guess what they're eating! Go on, it's not so hard!] Quinn's in mid-conversation.)

**QUINN:** ... and so Ms. Li's been cracking the whip, punishing any student who she even **thinks** is acting racist. 

**HELEN:** Oh my... sounds like a violation of their rights to free speech. (_frowns._) If the courts hadn't taken them all away. 

**QUINN:** And Mr. O'Neill's gotten **really** into it, too. He's, like, making us hold hands and **talk** an' stuff. (_shudders a little._) He's even setting up a multicultural fair in a week or so. **I**, of course, plan to work at one of the cuter booths. 

**DARIA:** Naturally. 

**JAKE:** Sounds **neat**, you guys!

**HELEN:** **Yes**, it's **so** good to see that they're starting to take diversity **seriously** at your school. (_Bt. no-nonsense._) But the minute they fall off course, we'll slap them with a lawsuit **so** big, it'll make their head spin into the next century. 

**DARIA:** (_sardonic_) What better way to promote compassion?

**QUINN:** Mr. O'Neill **also** encouraged us white students to get to know some of the minority students better -- like talk to them one-on-one and hear their painful stories. So I've decided to hang out with Tiffany for the next few days. 

**DARIA:** (_rolling her eyes_) But you **already** hang out with Tiffany. 

**QUINN:** (_thoughtful_) Yes, but not... the **real** Tiffany. 

(_Daria cocks an eyelid. Helen raises a brow as well._)

**HELEN:** Daria, **why** do I get the feeling you're less-than-enthusiastic about these new developments at your school?

**DARIA:** Because. My skeptic alarm always goes off whenever the school tries a new **social engineering** experiment. And this one seems destined to fall into the figurative dustbin like all the others. 

**HELEN:** Meaning?

**DARIA:** It's every bit as misguided. To promote so-called diversity, the school insists on stripping away our personalities -- what little **some** of us have -- and reducing us to our race or ethnicity. 

**HELEN:** So?

**DARIA:** So it's degrading. They claim they want us students to find a common ground -- but how can we do that if our common tastes and experiences have been chucked away? Forget personality, forget experience -- now it's just "this person matters because he or she came from a background of suffering."

**QUINN:** So?

**DARIA:** (_rolling her eyes_) **So**, it seems as though they're encouraging the students who **have** no such background to feel sorry for the ones that do. 

**JAKE:** So??

**DARIA:** So, can you **really** understand someone when you have to keep your distance, by viewing that person as a pity case instead of an equal? When the guilt and fascination wear off, we'll all be back to Square One. We'll just go about our business, and nothing will have changed. 

(Beat. Helen, Jake, and Quinn look a little floored, as they so often do after one of Daria's speeches. Then Quinn waves a hand nonchalantly.)

**QUINN:** Oh, like **you** would know about understanding people anyway -- you barely ever leave your room. (_Bt_) Listen, Daria, guilt is **in**. It's **chic**. Especially where minorities are concerned. I mean sure, we used to, like, make them sit at the front of the bus and mop lunch counters, or whatever -- but now the trend is toward rejecting the boring old status quo and **embracing** minorities as cool and interesting and in some ways superior. And **I**, for one, don't want to miss out on it. 

**DARIA:** Today, minorities. Tomorrow, endangered bunnies. 

**HELEN:** Quinn has a **point**, Daria. Guilt isn't necessarily a **bad** thing. Sometimes it's the **only** thing that can keep the people in power from completely destroying a minority culture. (_Bt_) It kept us from oblitering the Native Americans. It helped establish a Jewish homeland in 1948 --

**QUINN:** Oh that reminds me. Mr. O' Neill said he wanted us all to find an oppressed minority group in **our** background and, like, share our pain. So I'm gonna talk about how it feels to be Jewish. 

**DARIA:** (_cocking an eyelid_) Since when are we Jewish?

**QUINN:** (_slightly defensive_) Hey, if **Dad** is a member of the Jewish race, then so am **I**. (_to Jake._) Say Daddy, were any of our relatives killed in the Holocaust?

**JAKE:** Nope. They all came to America in the 1890's. 

**QUINN:** (_looking somewhat disappointed_) Oh. 

**JAKE:** And anyway, Judaism isn't really a **race**, honey; it's more of an ethnicity. Like "I'm Slavic... I'm **Jewish**."

**DARIA:** But there are black and Hispanic Jews, too. 

**HELEN:** It's a **religion**. And a very noble one at that. (_Bt_) But you know, Quinn, if you want to hear stories of oppression, my ancestors in Northern Ireland faced some **terrible** --

**QUINN:** (_dismissive_) Yes, yes that's very interesting. (_Bt_) No offense, Mom, but I don't really want to hear about a bunch of white Protestants -- they, like, **rule** this country. I want to hear about **real** minorities. 

(_Helen looks slightly hurt. Daria cocks an eyelid with mild amusement._)

**QUINN:** So Dad, didn't your relatives, like, suffer at **all**?

**JAKE:** Well there was the difficulty with assimilation, naturally. (_chuckles._) They even made up a Revolutionary War ancestor to help them fit into American society better. Phineas T. Morgendorffer was his name. (_starts to go into a rage._) When the kids found out the truth about him, oh how they **laughed**. **LAUGHED**, I tell you!!

(_Quinn leans her chin on her hand, intrigued._)

**JAKE:** Ohh, what a **can** of worms **that** just opened up! Before military school, I'll never forget about every **stinking** year at Christmas time. "Santa's not **coming** to **your** house, Jakey. You're not **getting** any presents, Jakey! Have fun with your **dreidel**, Jakey!!" Well I'll **DREIDEL** you!!!

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 3 (_Morgendorffer house, that night_)

(Shot of the outside. Cut to shot of Daria standing in front of the bathroom mirror, dressed in her pajamas. Quinn comes in, also in her pj's.)

**QUINN:** (_chipper_) Wow, Dad's got, like, **so** many repressed memories. This'll be so cool to tell the other kids. 

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) That's just what they need: more pain and rejection. 

**QUINN:** Too bad **Sandi** won't be there to hear it. (_brief look of irritation gets replaced by a thoughtful frown._) Y' know, it's weird she got suspended. 

**DARIA:** No weirder than the other kids who did. 

**QUINN:** Yeah... but Sandi never **seemed** like the racist type. (_instructional._) Her prejudices are based on a very strict definition of **who's** well-dressed and has a good body, and who **isn't**. It never mattered to her what color you were just as **long** as you could coordinate. 

**DARIA:** (_sardonic_) Well that's **much** more reassuring. 

**QUINN:** But I guess if Jodie Landon said she did it then she **had** to have done it. 'Cause Jodie's, like, **perfect**, right?? She never lies about anything. 

(_A strange look crosses Daria's face._)

**DARIA:** Um, right... 

**QUINN:** (_sighing_) It's too bad. Before this happened... (_frowns slightly._) during the times Sandi **wasn't** making fun of me for being a four eyes or **threatening** my power with the Fashion Club... I kind of... well... every **once** in a while... there were times... really, really **brief** times... 

**DARIA:** (_impatient_) Yes?

**QUINN:** ... when I missed her. 

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 4 (_O'Neill's class, a few days later_)

(_Shot of the outside._)

**ANDREA:** (_offscreen VO. same dramatic tone she used in "Cafe Disaffecto"_) I am the **minority viewer**... 

(Cut to shot of her standing in front of the room, giving a presentation to Daria, Jane, and company.)

**ANDREA:** I am black... I am brown... I am red --

**DARIA:** (_thought VO_) Wow. Blending into a wooded thicket must be no problem for you. 

**ANDREA:** ... I am yellow... I am multiracial. I want to see a face on screen that looks like **mine**, I want to see experiences that have been **my** experiences. But instead, all I get is a vast vanilla... **wasteland**. (_Pause. ominous, low voice._) And **I** am the white programmer that **saturates** the airwaves with white programming. (_eyes narrow._) "Seventh Heaven"..."Providence"..."Dawson's Creek"..."Ally McBeal" without Ling **or** Rene. (_lips curl._) "**Friends**."

(_Many in the class shudder at her icy tone._)

**ANDREA:** I **despise** you, minority viewer. **You**, who do not fit in with the white-washed, middle-class, cookie-cutter, spirit-crushing norm of society. **You** who are not marketed to in the commercials that keep me afloat. I will **never** give you a lead role. I will have your parts played by **white** actors. I will **destroy** you!

(She takes several colored bean bags out of her pocket and drops them on the floor. She then takes a ruler and proceeds to beat the stuffing out of them.)

**ANDREA:** DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE... !!!

**O'NEILL:** (_somewhat nervous_) Um, um... that's very nice, Andrea, **very**, very nice. Feel free to take your seat. (Expressionless once more, Andrea lays aside the ruler, picks up the bean bags, and heads back to her desk.) Um... so did any of you students learn anything **valuable** from her performance?

(The class takes a few more seconds to recover. Then one girl toward the back of the class raises her hand.)

**GIRL:** Wow, what she said was just sooo **true**. It's sooo true, but I hadn't ever **thought** about it before. 

**BRITTANY:** Yeah! (_looks at Jodie, lower lip trembling._) I'm so **sorry**, Jodie. I'll never ever watch "Friends" **again**!

**JODIE:** (_amused and a bit uncomfortable_) That's okay, Brittany, don't worry. "Friends" is a cool show. 

**O'NEILL:** (_tipping his head slightly in a "caring instructor" way_) So, Jodie, did Andrea's presentation hit a **sensitive** place within you?

(_Beat_)

**JODIE:** (_awkward_) Um, well... I guess. It **would** be nice for there to be more multiculturalism on T.V., just so there's a wider range of viewpoints to draw from. 

**O'NEILL:** Yes, **yes**! Isn't the black point-of-view being **oppressed** (_dramatic shudder._) by that of the **dominant** culture?

**JODIE:** Sure... I guess. 

(_Beat_)

**O'NEILL:** Now Daria, it's time for you to share **your** oppressed heritage with the **rest** of us. 

(_Pause. Daria stands up, reads from a sheet of paper._)

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) Because of their Protestant beliefs, my mother's ancestors were encouraged by the English crown to settle in Seventeenth Century Northern Ireland. Little did they know that a century **later**, these same Protestant beliefs would lead to their persecution. For you see, they were not Angli-- (_Suddenly interrupted by a sob from O'Neill._) What? It has a happy ending. 

**O'NEILL:** (_sniffle, sniffle, sob_) Oh Daria... **why** must you remind me of how my people were beaten down by the **Ulsterites**?!

(_Daria gets a stunned "O-kaaaaay" look on her face._)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 5 (_lockers, after class_)

(Shot of Jane and Daria standing at their lockers. Daria still looks unnerved by O'Neill's outburst.)

**DARIA:** (_annoyed_) That went well. Maybe tomorrow we can discuss the potato famine. 

**JANE:** Aw, c'mon, cheer up. Mr. O'Neill's eyes ought to unswell **any** day now. 

(Just then, we see a bunch of kids trudge past in the foreground, mumbling and cursing.)

**JANE:** Ahhh, a **new** crop of sinners for Ms. Li to sentence. (_taps her fingers together with faux anticipation._)

**DARIA:** I predict death by electric chair. Or by crushed ribs from too many stacked rocks. 

**JANE:** The way she's doling out suspensions, pretty soon we'll be able to fit all the students into a single class. (_smirks wickedly._) Which, of **course**, will make it easy for us to get dirt on the popular people and use it against them. 

(Before Daria can reply, we see DeMartino chasing Li down the hallway, looking even more agitated then usual.)

**DeMARTINO:** I don't underSTAND, Ms. Li -- why **can't** I even call the WHITE students names?!

**MS. LI:** (_irritated_) **Because**, Mr. DeMartino -- sooome of those names might have components deemed **offensive** to minority students. Damned if I'm going to put **my** ass over the fire so **you** can unleash your daaaily avalanche of **abuse**. 

**DeMARTINO:** (_clasping hands_) But Ms. Li, **have** some huMANity! **Think** of Kevin Thompson. **THINK** OF KEVIN THOMPSON!!! (_shouts this as he follows Li offscreen._)

**DARIA:** Think of how quickly he'll crack if he loses his primary method of torture. 

**JANE:** (_smirking_) Brookside beware. 

(_Beat_)

**DARIA:** On a more serious note: doesn't it seem to you like this rash of suspensions is just furthering our school's reputation for being a **Stalingrad**?

**JANE:** (_frowning mildly_) Maybe... but at least this time Our Tormentor has her stone-cold heart in the right place. Didn't you ever notice how frequently words like "nigger" and "gook" and "wetback" got tossed around without **any** punishment?

**DARIA:** I guess. (_frowns._) Though I was too busy fending off my **own** share of nasty comments to pay attention. 

(_Just then, Jodie and Mack come up._)

**MACK:** Hey, you guys! You both did a really good job today. 

**DARIA:** (_sardonic_) Liar. 

**MACK:** Say Jane, it was cool hearing about your dad's Comanche background. 

**JANE:** (_smirking_) Yes, well where **else** do you think the Lane family gets its good looks from?

**MACK:** I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but even though I'm a "minority," I've never taken much time to learn about **other** minorities. 

**JODIE:** Yeah, me neither. I liked your presentation, too, Daria. (_smirks._) What little we got to hear of it. 

**DARIA:** Yes, well I might have chosen differently, had Quinn not claimed Judaism all for herself. 

(Sweeping pan-over to where Quinn is standing with Tiffany and Stacy. Quinn's in a chipper, dramatic mode.)

**QUINN:** ... and if they hadn't left Germany **fifty** years earlier, they **definitely** would've been exterminated by the Nazis. 

**STACY:** Oooooooooh... 

**TIFFANY:** **Close** call. 

**QUINN:** Hearing about my people's struggles have, like, **totally** made me want to find out more about them. So I've been plugging my dad for some info., and I might even like, **learn** the language or something. (_chuckles._) Like, listen to some of these expressions. (_Bt. heavy Brooklyn accent._) Gawd, Stacy, sometimes you can be **such** a goy! Oy **vey**!

**TIFFANY:** Cooool. (_claps a little._)

**STACY:** (_looking worried_) What's a "**goy**"?

(_Quinn shrugs._)

**TIFFANY:** (_to Stacy_) It's a gentile. 

**QUINN:** (_surprised_) You **know** the termonology??

**STACY:** (_more worried_) What's a "**gentile**"??

**TIFFANY:** (_to Quinn_) Yeah. My parents, like, taught it to me. 

**QUINN:** Oh **right** -- 'cause **they're** Jewish, too. (faint note of regret -- **she'd** wanted to be the only Jewish person.) So that, like, means you could be in the Israel booth with me at the fair this Friday. 

**TIFFANY:** (_regretful_) I **can't**. I got stuck with the **China** booth. 

**QUINN:** But you **are** Chinese, aren't you?

**TIFFANY:** Yeeeah, but that doens't mean I, like, **know** stuff. My parents tried to make me go to Chinese school once, but it was soooooo boring. They make you learn all those **symbols**. 

**QUINN:** Eww... sounds hard. 

**TIFFANY:** I **wanted** to be in the South America booth... the outfits they wear are soooooo **cute**. 

(Meanwhile, neither notices that Stacy has started hyperventilating. She now bursts into tears.)

**QUINN:** Stacy??

(_Beat_)

**STACY:** I **tried** and I **tried**, but I couldn't find **any** oppressed minorities in **my** background. I'm not interesting at aaaaaallllll!!!

(_Quinn reaches over and pats her back sympathetically._)

**QUINN:** There, there, Stacy, it's okay. (_Bt_) Whoever said you were?

(_Resume shot of Daria, Jane, Jodie, and Mack._)

**DARIA:** Not that I care she took it. I'm not gonna pretend to love a culture I don't know anything about, just to make the school think I'm not prejudiced. 

**MACK:** What do you mean "pretend"?

**DARIA:** Doesn't our classmates' sudden embrace of minorities seem superficial to you? Do you really think that deep down, people's opinions have changed?

**JODIE:** Well no... at least not in a major way. But then again, I never thought it would happen overnight. You have to start somewhere, and **this** is somewhere. 

**DARIA:** (_cocking an eyelid_) That's not quite the attitude you had a week ago. 

**JODIE:** Hey, a week ago I was scared of what might happen. I thought for sure people would treat me like some alien from another planet. But not only have they been supportive, they've even gone... (_smirks._) overboard. And talking about stuff to you guys in O'Neill's class helped me a lot. A **lot**. 

**MACK:** Same with me. You don't know how great it is to have people look at you and realize: "That black dude has **feelings**."

**DARIA:** I'm sure it must be. About as nice as it would be to have someone say the same about the "Misery Chick" and her "weird art friend."

**JODIE:** Yeah. Discussion's been sort of limited to race and ethnicity, hasn't it?

**JANE:** (_offhand_) The outcasts fall to the bottom of the barrel -- so what else is new? (_Bt_) At least injustice is being fought on **one** front. 

**JODIE & MACK:** Right. 

**DARIA:** And if there are enough people at school by the end of this week, we'll see how well the message of racial tolerance has sunk in. 

**JODIE:** You mean... ?

**JANE:** The suspensions. It's nice to see some idiots get what's coming to them, but y'know, I'll bet half of the kids in trouble didn't even **mean** to sound racist. 

**MACK:** Maybe not. (_suddenly frowns._) But you can do a lot of damage just by saying stuff without thinking. 

**JANE:** (_smirking_) Hey, you don't need to tell me and Daria that. 

**DARIA:** So you support the "throw the book at them under any circumstances" approach? (_Mack nods. Daria looks at Jodie._) And **you**?

**JODIE:** Well yeah... sure. (_Bt. with more conviction._) If there's one thing I'm realizing, it's that there are a lot of people hiding in the cracks who will try to hurt you. Better to find them than to let them keep on hiding. 

(Beat. Obviously this was an answer Daria wasn't expecting, and the disappointment she feels can be seen ever-so-slightly on her face, if not heard in her tone.)

**DARIA:** So I s'pose that went for Sandi Griffin as well. 

**JODIE:** Yeah. (_surprised to hear Daria mention her name._)

**JANE:** Geez, who if **not** Sandi Griffin? (_a little bitter._) Let **her** see what it feels like to be in the doghouse because of her attitude. 

**MACK:** (_to Daria, trying not to sound irritated_) You're not saying you think Jodie did wrong by fingering Sandi, are you?

**DARIA:** (_shrugging_) Not if she knows for a fact that Sandi was guilty. 

**JODIE:** Of **course** I... (_Pause_) All right, I didn't have **absolute** proof she said anything when I gave her name to Ms. Li, but it **sounds** like something she'd do. If not at that time, then **later**. 

(Beat. Again, Daria can't completely conceal her disappointment. She cocks an eyelid.)

**DARIA:** I see. Cool. (_Bt_) Well it's getting late, Jane -- we'd better go. 

**JANE:** Late? (_Something in Daria's bearing makes it clear her suggestion is urgent._) Um, yeah, we'd better. See you guys. 

(They leave. Jodie and Mack watch them for a few seconds, confused by the suddenness of their departure. Then, after glancing an "I'll see you later" to Mack, Jodie goes after them. She walks up quickly along Daria's other side.)

**JODIE:** (_mild exasperation_) Daria, did I say something that rubbed you the wrong way?

(_Beat_)

**DARIA:** (_clipped_) Nope. 

**JANE:** Yeah, **I'm** kind of curious, too. 

(_Beat_)

**DARIA:** (_to Jodie_) It's not so much what you said **now** as what you told me a while ago -- during our crazy "Class Land" experience. And other times. (_Bt_) Just some boring stuff about how most people are good and how if we tried, different personality types **could** get along. 

**JODIE:** (_rolling her eyes_) No offense Daria, but I never even knew you believed that stuff. 

(_Daria frowns with some resentment. Jane gets a reflective look._)

**JANE:** (_to Jodie_) I guess it's more important that **you** believed it. 

**DARIA:** And I may be your run-of-the-mill, cold-hearted outcast, but even **I** know that this "zero tolerance" policy won't do anything to further that goal. 

(Pause. Jodie reflects on that for a few moments, then grows yet more frustrated.)

**JODIE:** Hey, I still **want** that, okay?? But I'm not gonna give up the chance to give people their just desserts. You just don't understand what it's like!

**DARIA:** (_stopping in her tracks_) Try me. 

(_Beat. Jodie and Jane stop, too. Jodie gets a look of determination._)

**JODIE:** I have to deal with people calling me names behind my back... 

**DARIA:** Oh no, I wouldn't know what **that's** like. Would you, Jane?

**JODIE:** (_frowning darkly_) I've had people treating me like I don't **belong** here. I've been pushed, spit on, **threatened** --

**DARIA:** Nope. Wouldn't have a clue. 

**JANE:** (_sardonic_) That nastiness during my campaign was **all** just a figment of my imagination. 

**JODIE:** Would you just be **quiet**?! (_Daria and Jane look at her, stunned._) There's a **difference** between you guys and me. You **choose** to have people poke fun at you. 

(_Pause_)

**JANE:** (_surprised_) "Choose"?

**DARIA:** I wouldn't call being ostracized from Day One based on my personality a "choice."

**JODIE:** So?? You wear those clothes, you refuse to participate in school activities. **All** you have to do is put on some **normal** clothes and you'd blend in in a **second**. 

(_Beat. Daria and Jane glance at each other, irritated._)

**JANE:** (_sarcastic_) Oh yeah. It's that simple. 

**JODIE:** Whereas **I'm** President of the Student Body, I'm on practically **every** club imaginable, I'm a straight-A student, and I **still** get harassed. I'm a model teenager, and it's not **enough**. I've done **everything** I possibly could to blend in, and it's **still** not enough!

(Daria and Jane listen expressionlessly. Jodie is red-faced and agitated, making jerky motions with her hands as she speaks.)

**JODIE:** You think I work as hard as I do just to please my **parents**?? NO -- it's because I want people to know me for who I **am** before they decide by my skin color that I'm something **else**. And you will **never** understand what that's like!

(_long Pause_)

**DARIA:** (_quiet, cool_) You're right. I wouldn't understand what it's like to be judged unfairly. I'm white. (_Bt_) Come on, Jane... 

**JANE:** (_quiet_) See you around, Jodie... 

(_fade-out. fade-in to:_)

SCENE 6 (_lockers, after school_)

(Shot of Stacy and Tiffany walking away from their lockers together. Suddenly Quinn comes toward them from the opposite direction. They both freeze when they see her -- obviously her presence wasn't expected.)

**QUINN:** (_chipper_) Hey guys! Got sprung from math prison 'cause Mr. Phelps got in trouble for mispronouncing a student's last name, so what d' you say we go hit Cashman's?

(_Pause_)

**TIFFANY:** Um... 

**STACY:** (_timid_) Um... we'd like to, Quinn, but Tiffany and I have to go somewhere. Not **together**, of course, just... 

**TIFFANY:** Yeah. **Not** together. 

(_Beat_)

**QUINN:** (_suspicious_) Oookay. (_Bt_) So where are you going -- **separately**?

(_Pause_)

**STACY:** Um... (_winces._) not to Sandi's. 

**TIFFANY:** No way. 

**QUINN:** (_rolling her eyes_) Why are you guys going to Sandi's?

**STACY:** Um... we're just going to, um, give her her as-assignments. 

**QUINN:** Why? You know she'll never do them. 

**STACY:** Yeah, but... we just wanna (_quickly._) see-how-she's-doing. (_Bt. bursts out._) We're **sorry**, Quinn!! We would've **told** you, but we know how you hate Sandi, and --

**QUINN:** (_quiet_) I don't hate Sandi. 

**TIFFANY:** You don't?

**STACY:** B-but you always get so **mad** whenever we mention her name, so we thought --

**QUINN:** (_flat_) Well you were wrong. I don't hate Sandi -- Sandi hates me. (_Bt_) Look, why don't you guys go? I'll see you tomorrow. 

(_She leaves immediately._)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 7 (_Landon residence, that evening_)

(Shot of the outside. Cut to shot of Jodie and Mack sitting in Jodie's room. Jodie's sitting up on her bed, hugging her knees, wearing a troubled expression.)

**JODIE:** (_weary_) Well Mom and Dad are happy. You should've heard them at dinner, about power to the people and finally getting the school to see what's been unseen 'til now. The only thing they're upset about is having to pay Daria's mom's legal fees. 

**MACK:** That's great. (_Bt. sympathetic._) Isn't it?

(_Jodie sighs quietly._)

**JODIE:** Sure. (_Bt_) But I've also been thinking: maybe Daria had a point earlier today. 

**MACK:** (_rolling his eyes with slight exasperation_) What -- you mean her point about Ms. Li's crackdown on racists in the student body? Listen Jodie, Daria may think she's right about everything, but that doesn't mean she **is**. You have **every** reason to be glad the school's finally listening to us. 

**JODIE:** Yeah, but --

**MACK:** (_firm, smirking slightly_) If there's **one** problem you have, it's that you're too into self-denial. If someone complains "It's not fair," you automatically think you have to compensate them. Well just **enjoy** getting benefits for once. Just because some people have been hard hit, or because outcasts aren't getting the same good response as **we** are, doesn't mean things won't correct themselves eventually. 

(Jodie seems mildly reassured by Mack's response. But then another troubled look crosses her face.)

**JODIE:** I hope so... because sometimes I feel as though this crackdown isn't doing any good. 

**MACK:** (_startled_) What d'you mean?

**JODIE:** I still see the nasty looks... don't you?

(_Beat_)

**MACK:** (_a little uncomfortable_) Yeah... sometimes. But things are **still** better than they were. And if you keep seeing the looks, **go** to the principal and complain. **Don't** be afraid to speak up about this. 

(_Beat_)

**JODIE:** All right. (Pause. We hear the phone on her side table ring. Jodie reaches for it, and is about to pick it up, but it stops on the second ring. She lays her arm across her knees again and sighs.) And while I'm at it, maybe I could say something to Mr. O'Neill about his approach to teaching about minority cultures. I have to agree with Daria on that point -- it **is** kind of shallow. 

**MACK:** You think?

**JODIE:** I mean it's all "suffering" this,"suffering" that. How we as a race of people have suffered. No one at school's been learning about the positive aspects of black or other cultures -- **or** that there's more than **one** type of black experience. Some of the discrimination Mr. O'Neill's been talking about is stuff **I've** never had to deal with. 

**MACK:** Hmm... then maybe you **should** say something to him. 

**JODIE:** But it just makes me feel guilty, you know? Like: "Geez, they've done so much for us already. I can't ask them for any **more** favors, or they'll accuse me of being **ungrateful**."

(_Beat_)

**MACK:** (_shaking his head slowly_) Yeah -- sadly enough, I **do** know. 

(_Just then we hear a knock on the door._)

**RACHEL:** (_offscreen VO_) Jodie -- phone for you. (_Bt_) It's Sandi Griffin. 

(_Jodie looks at Mack, stunned. Then she frowns angrily._)

**JODIE:** I'm almost afraid to hear what she has to say. 

(_Slowly she reaches over and picks up the phone. Places it against her ear._)

**JODIE:** (_cautious_) Hello?

(_Pause_)

**SANDI:** (_from the receiver. icy_) I have just one thing to say to you. I do not know **where** you got the idea that I was one of the **morons** who said racist stuff to you, but frankly, I am insulted. 

**JODIE:** (_slightly stunned_) Oh really?

**SANDI:** Yes, **really**. And for the humiliation you've put me through, I believe an **apology** is in order. 

(_Beat_)

**JODIE:** You want **me** to apologize to **you**?

**SANDI:** Are you having trouble **hearing**, or something??

(Pause. Jodie feels herself growing angrier. Her grip on the phone tightens.)

**JODIE:** (_cold_) You want an apology?? Okay, fine. (_Bt_) **Here's** your apology. 

(_She slams the phone down on its cradle._)

**END OF ACT TWO**

[Split screen of Andrea beating bean bags on the floor and O'Neill shuddering dramatically.]

You are now entering **SUPER BOWL** commercial **HELL**!!!!!! Please keep your seatbelt securely fastened. You are about to see some of the lamest, most **EXPENSIVE** commercials put on television.

Following a bloated, confusing halftime special which was heavy on Disney promotion (_on Disney-owned ABC, of course_) and themes of globalization and the millennium (_what else?_)...

  * One of the very best commercials was the cat-herding one. A bunch of lone rangers chased dozens of **housecats** across the prairie on horseback. At one point, a couple bemoaned the number of scratches they had received as a result of their "dangerous" work. The commercial really had no point (_it was for another e-company_), but other than that, it was priceless. ****
10 for special effects, **8** for humor, for an overall rating of **9**. 

Back to the game. Quarterback throws a pass. Wide receiver catches it. Coach calls a time-out. We break for another commercial...

  * Another great commercial was one that spoofed the GAP commercials. You see a bunch of twenty-somethings standing around like zombies, dressed the same and singing in an eery monotone, when suddenly they're scared off by an Oldsmobile. The message: be original. I'd give it a ****
7 for the surprise factor, **5** for the song selection, and a **6** for the attractiveness of the models, giving it an overall rating of **6**. 

The game. Setting up for a field goal. It's... **no** good! How 'bout a commercial?

  * **ENOUGH** Regis Philbin!!! He was prancing through every promo for an ABC show, from "Sports Night" to "Dharma and Greg." Just because he's on a highly-successful quiz show doesn't mean he himself is irresistible. At one point when he appeared, I couldn't resist changing the channel... 

You are now leaving **SUPER BOWL** commercial **HELL**. Aren't you happy you survived? No... because that means you have to watch the game. ; >

## 

PRIMARILY COLOR

* * *

**ACT THREE**

SCENE 1 (_Lawndale High, Friday morning_)

(_Shot of the outside of the gym. SUPER: Day of Multicultural Fair._)

(The fair is the "crown jewel" of O'Neill's plans for promoting diversity. It's a day-long event which will consist of several booths from different parts of the world, and a central circle where performances will be given. Most students will be free to come and go as they please; the rest are in charge of manning the booths and setting up.)

(Cut to shot of Daria and Jane on the gym floor, struggling to unfold table legs, as the booths sprout up around them. It's a pretty amusing sight -- just imagine them trying **every** way imaginable to pry the legs into place.)

**DARIA:** Remind me again how we got talked into doing this. (leans her back against the table while she uses her own legs to push out the table's.)

JANE: 'Cause Mr. O'Neill urged us to come -- said it would be a good experience. 

**DARIA:** But that doesn't explain why we're torturing ourselves on these tables -- **agh**! (_as a bar smacks into her hand._)

**JANE:** It gets us out of class. (_shrugs._) And we're suckers. 

**DARIA:** I thought so. 

(Shot of Quinn and Stacy walking on the other side of the gym, huffing and puffing under the load of two heavy boxes.)

**STACY:** What's (_**huff**_) **in** here??

**QUINN:** My (_**huff**_) Dad went a little **overboard** last night when he lent me his old (_**huff**_) things. (_Bt. firm_) But you **promised** you'd help me, so you can't back out now. 

(_Just then, an energized O'Neill bounds up to them._)

**O'NEILL:** **Good** morning, girls! Isn't it a **perfect** day for a multicultural fair??

**STACY & QUINN:** (_grunting_) Hghhh. 

**O'NEILL:** And I assume **those** are for the Israel booth, right?

**QUINN:** (_weary_) Yes. 

**O'NEILL:** **Excellent**! Now follow me, and we'll go **fire** up the grill!

(_Pause_)

**STACY & QUINN:** Grill??

**O'NEILL:** For frying **latkes**! (_rubs his stomach._) Mmmmm... 

(_Quinn and Stacy drop the boxes with a loud clatter._)

(_fade-out. fade-in to:_)

SCENE 2 (_a short time later_)

(_Shot of Daria and Jane struggling to lift a canopy over one of the tables._)

**JANE:** So you're saying you think Jodie was **wrong** to finger Sandi as a racist?

**DARIA:** I haven't joined the Cult of Griffin, if you're worried. But my "Class Land" nightmare **did** teach me that Jodie could sometimes let hostility get the better of her. 

**JANE:** (_nodding slowly_) Could be... could be. (_Bt. gets an uncomfortable look._) But even so... I did **not** enjoy fighting with her. It made me feel really, really, really... 

**DARIA:** Bleh. 

**JANE:** Yes, **bleh**. (_Bt_) I mean **geez**, this is **Jodie**. She's **always** been one of the good ones. Even when we disagreed on stuff, there were no hard feelings. And now, we're picking each other apart trying to figure out who's more oppressed than **whom**. (_worried._) Is this how things are going to **be** now in this supposedly **more** tolerant environment?

**DARIA:** (_also a bit worried_) Let's hope not. 

**JANE:** I've always called Jodie a friend, even though we run with different crowds. (_Bt_) I don't want that to change. 

(_Beat_)

**DARIA:** You and me both. (_Bt_) But I suppose if I'm forced, kicking and screaming, to find a silver lining, it's that we got to hear each other out. We heard more of her side, and she heard more of ours. 

**JANE:** Yeah. (_shrugs._) And I guess she did have a point about the color of her skin. Because she's black, someone could just look across the room and hate her guts, whereas with **us** --

**DARIA:** They'd have to get to know our personality first. 

**JANE:** Yeah -- assuming we were dressed like prep school weinerheads. (_shrugs again._) And having to serve as a role model for an entire minority group can't be too much fun, either. 

**DARIA:** Nope. 

(_Pause. They look at each other, resigned._)

**JANE:** So you think we ought to find Jodie and try to sort things out?

(_Beat_)

**DARIA:** Sure. (_Bt_) But maybe after this fair hoopla is over with. I'm almost afraid of what this thing will be like. (_Bt_) On second thought, I **am** afraid. 

**JANE:** Oh, I'm sure a nice, cleansing sobfest won't be **so** bad. (_Pause. She gets an uneasy look on her face._)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 3 (_a short time later_)

(Shot of Jodie standing in another corner of the gym. She's just arrived to help out, and has spotted Daria and Jane. At first she makes a move to go over and talk to them, then changes her mind. She's been avoiding them for the past few days, and they her. She fears now that if she went over, she'd get the cold shoulder. Instead, Jodie chooses to take in the festivities that are going up around her. She appears to like what she sees, but we sense a growing level of uneasiness in her demeanor. Just then, O'Neill comes up to her.)

**O'NEILL:** Jodie! I'm **glad** I found you! How do you like the way things are set up??

(_Beat_)

**JODIE:** (_mustering an enthusiastic tone_) Oh, it's **great**. (_Bt_) But, um... Mr. O'Neill, what's that?? (_points offscreen._)

(Pan over to show a bunch of students walking into the center of the gym. They're slumped over and dressed in raggedy clothing, their faces bleak. Resume shot of Jodie and O'Neill.)

**O'NEILL:** **That** is one of the events I've set up. (_dramatic_) It's a **re-enactment** of the Trail of **Tears**. Students who choose to do so can experience what it was like to be Cherokee Indians **driven** from their homeland by **unfeeling** white soldiers. (_Bt. points elsewhere offscreen._) **Then**, over there in the corner, you can watch a **spirited** (_fist pump._) narration of **Uncle Tom's Cabin** with **shadow** puppets. Witness Tom's struggle with one master after another, subjected to beatings by the **evil** Simon L--

**JODIE:** (_nervous_) Mr. **O'Neill**. (_He looks at her quizzically._) We... I think we have to talk. 

**O'NEILL:** Okay... 

(Fade-out. Fade-in to close-up of O'Neill's face, wearing a thoughtful expression. Cut to wide shot. Several minutes have passed, during which Jodie, looking distressed, has been explaining her thoughts about Mr. O'Neill's plans. She finally stops, and pulls back almost as thought she's ashamed.)

**O'NEILL:** Hmm... 

**JODIE:** Mr. O'Neill, **please** don't feel bad. I really appreciate all you've done, it's just --

**O'NEILL:** No, no, Jodie, you don't ever need to make excuses. (_pats her on the back lightly._) Those were **excellent** observations you made. Why not **broaden** the fair to present a more **diverse**, enriched image of minority lifestyles?? (_Bt. shakes his head._) I guess I just felt so guilty I hadn't been showing more **compassion** to minority students, I got carried away with the darker view. 

**JODIE:** (_sincerely_) It's okay, Mr. O'Neill -- I know you've meant well. 

**O'NEILL:** Perhaps you could help come up with ways to **tone** things down. (_another thoughtful expression crosses his face._) And perhaps **I** could take care of another problem... 

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 4 (_sometime later that afternoon_)

(Overhead shot of the fair, now fully set up. It looks pretty colorful, with a lot of booths and posters and tapestries scattered all over the place. Thanks to Jodie, a lot of the bleak stuff has been removed. Instead of watching performances, most students are taking the time to explore the different booths, ask questions about them, and talk casually amongst themselves. **And** gorge on food offered at the booths. Although students aren't required to stay at the fair long, many have -- both to get out of class and because they're genuinely interested. Yet don't look for this fair to be the epitome of racial and ethnic awareness [it is a **school** fair, after all]. Many of the students are wearing generic costumes that depict a certain culture, or put stereotypical relics of that culture on display. But when you consider how **non-existent** anything of diversity was at LHS beforehand, this seems like a significant step.)

(Cut to close-up shot of Li walking around, inspecting everything with her usual no-nonsense frown. She finally pauses next to O'Neill, who's been watching everything from the sidelines.)

**MS. LI:** Eeeevrything seems in order, Mr. O'Neill. Though I'll be sending out the dogs and activating the metal detectors **just** in case. 

**O'NEILL:** Yes... everything looks really super. Oh, but I **had** hoped that **more** students would attend. 

**MS. LI:** Yes, well **maybe** if they hadn't defied the "zero tolerance" policy, they'd still be allowed in school **to** attend. 

**O'NEILL:** (_hand to his mouth_) Oh my. So **many**??

(Cut to close-up of the Israel booth. We see that there's a long line of students in front of it, poised to get latkes. Quinn is standing at the grill, dressed in the outfit of an Orthodox Jewish woman, with a shawl, etc. She looks extremely vexed. Stacy is next to her, dressed as an Orthodox Jewish man -- dark suit, hat, and a phony beard. She appears to be absorbed in reading a book. There are several books on display, including the Hebrew Bible, as well as dreidels and other items. On the back wall hangs a large poster which depicts Israel over the last 50 years.)

**QUINN:** (_irritated. to the students_) Haven't you vultures had **enough**?? These are **just** a bunch of greasy flattened **potatoes** -- you might as well just buy some French fries! (_touches her forehead._) Ewwwww! Between the icky grease and the heat, my skin is a total **mess**!

(The students don't care; they continue to line up for the latkes. Stacy doesn't respond, being too absorbed in the book.)

**QUINN:** All these'll do is make you gain twenty pounds an' **break** out! (_reaches for her hair, fingers the shawl with irritation._) And could this outfit be any more **dowdy**?? It's enough to make me reconsider this whole going-Jewish thing. I should've done what Tiffany did and traded to be in the South America booth. 

(Cut to shot of Tiffany in the South America booth, admiring herself in a swimsuit.)

**TIFFANY:** I'm cuuuuuuuute. 

(_Resume shot of Quinn and Stacy._)

**QUINN:** (_glaring_) **Stacy**!

(_Stacy looks up, startled._)

**STACY:** Oh... sorry, Quinn. You know, this book says that Jehovah really **isn't** the ancient name for God -- that a Christian scholar read the Hebrew word wrong. But they're not even sure how the **right** word for God was pronounced because only the ancient Jewish high priests were allowed to say it -- everyone else called him "Adonai," which means --

**QUINN:** (_impatient_) **Fascinating**. Stacy, would you take **over**, now??

**STACY:** Oh, sure. (_Bt_) And it **also** says that King Herod's family hadn't been Jewish for very long by the time he became king. They got converted by John Hyrcanus of the Maccabees --

**QUINN:** John hired Mack's anus **what**??

**STACY:** No -- **Maccabees**. They were the ones who saved the Jewish temple from becoming a Greek temple. And Herod was the king at the time of Jesus. (_Bt_) Quinn, could I borrow this?

(_Beat_)

**QUINN:** (_mystified by her enthusiasm_) Sure. (_rolls her eyes._) Go knock yourself out. 

(Meanwhile, cut to shot of Jodie and Mack, who have been manning the Africa booth. We see several colorful artifacts, but instead of sitting back and showing them to people, both are busy chit-chatting with the people in the Carribean Islands booth next door. Jodie is talking to one girl, and Mack is talking to a few guys.)

**JODIE:** The **same** town?? I can't believe it. 

**GIRL:** (_nodding_) From the way I look, no one would guess I had a black relative from Bermuda. Most of my family came from Cuba. 

**JODIE:** I wonder if my grandfather and your grandmother knew each other. 

**GIRL:** (_shrugging_) It was small town. I wouldn't be surprised. 

**JODIE:** Do you have any more pictures? If you're willing to wait, I can run home real quick and get some of my own... 

(Cut to shot of Mack, who's been giving the history of his relatives to the other students.)

**MACK:** ... And so it was kind of a Romeo and Juliet thing. Great-grandpa was black, Great-grandma was white, their families were against the marriage. (_smirks ruefully._) Sure, they had to break off contact from their loved ones and stamp out a few burning crosses in their frontyard, but hey, as they say, love conquers all. 

**GUY:** Whoa, man. Did they make it?

**MACK:** As a couple, you mean? (_shaking his head._) After sixty-years together, they finally got taken down. (_Bt_) By old age. 

(The guy momentarily looks stunned, then gets what Mack said, and gives him a light punch on the shoulder.)

**GUY:** Way to throw us for a loop, bro. You tell a mean story. 

**GUY 2:** Yeah. You know, I was kind of reluctant to come to this fair O'Neill had planned. But it's turned out to be okay. 

**MACK:** Didn't want to come? Why not?

**GUY 2:** (_shrugging_) Ah... you know. Thought everything would be all **serious**, and I'd say the wrong thing and people'd think I was a bigot, or something. 

**MACK:** (_stunned_) **Oh.** (_gets a thoughtful look on his face._) Hmmm... 

(For a few moments he sits there and reflects, as though he's realizing something for the first time. Then he looks offscreen and groans loudly.)

(Pan over to show Kevin not far in the distance. He's busy eating a kabob -- rather sloppily, too. The sauce drips all over him and on the floor. He walks cheerfully and obliviously up to DeMartino, who's observing the goings-on at the fair from the sidelines.)

**KEVIN:** Heeeeeyyyy, Mr. D! **Neat-o** costume!

(DeMartino glances around, trying to see if he can get away with uttering something nasty. Finally he realizes he can't.)

**DeMARTINO:** (_gritting teeth_) I'm not WEARING one, Kevin, my **fine** LAD. 

(Kevin flicks his hand, so that sauce from the kabob flies onto DeMartino's shirt.)

**KEVIN:** Oops. (_grins_) Sorrrrrryyyy. 

**DeMARTINO:** That's OKAY, my boy. (_grits his teeth harder, his eye nearly pops out._) Try to be a **little** more CAREful next time. 

**KEVIN:** Nooooo **problem**, Mr. D. (claps him on the shoulder, and is rewarded by a nearly teeth-shattering scowl. Just then, Kevin spies Mack offscreen and waves.) Heeeeyyyy, Mack Daddy!

**MACK:** (_offscreen_) **How** many times have I **told** you -- DON'T call me that!!

(Kevin waves at him again, nonchalant. Just then, as if on cue, Ms. Li appears. She glares at Kevin.)

**MS. LI:** (_stern_) Mr. **Thompson**, you seem to have called Mr. MacKenzie a name he finds offeeeeensive. **Suspended**! (_She leaves._)

**KEVIN:** Who is? (_long Pause. shock_) **Me**?!

**DeMARTINO:** **YES**!!!

(_Cut to shot of Daria and Jane, who have witnessed this whole thing._)

**JANE:** Admit it: **that** was funny. 

**DARIA:** (_smirking_) All right, I'll admit **that** was. (_Bt. takes a bite of her own kabob._) But it figures: here we are at Disneyland, and who should appear but Cruella DeVil?

**JANE:** Hmm, "Disneyland"? (_finishes off her latke._) Why do I have a feeling that's **not** a flattering comparison?

**DARIA:** (_shrugging a response_) Again, I ask: will any of this **really** change anything at school? After we're blinded by the shiny colors and nearly die of food-poisoning from one too many half-frozen kabobs, who's to say we won't all have forgotten our lesson in diversity come Monday morning?

(_Beat_)

**JANE:** Yeah, well... a wise person said you gotta start somewhere. And I guess this **is** somewhere. (_Bt_) When you think about it, what are the alternatives?

**DARIA:** A P.C. Police State. 

**JANE:** You said it. At least here, people are hanging out together, having a little fun, maybe learning a thing or two about different cultures. There's no nastiness... 

(Cut to shot of Brittany, Andrea, and Upchuck playing Mah-jong at the China booth.)

**BRITTANY:** (_twirling a lock of hair, frowning at her tiles_) This is **hard**. 

**UPCHUCK:** (_smiling wickedly_) Laaaadies... I believe the **Chuckster** declares himself **winner**. (_gestures at his tiles._) Now according to our arrangement, which one of you **lovelies** is going to strip down to her bare essentials and give me some **loooovin'**??

(Pause. Brittany and Andrea look at each other, stunned, for a few seconds. Then Brittany gives Upchuck a cheerleader's kick where the sun don't shine, and Andrea picks him up by the scruff of the neck and shoves him away.)

**DARIA:** (_offscreen_) Other than the usual cruelty and mayhem. 

(Cut to shot of Quinn and Stacy. Quinn's struggling to spin a dreidel. Stacy's gotten the hang of cooking latkes, and is now spooning out bits of knowledge from the book she was reading to everyone.)

**STACY:** (_cheerful_) ... And the Pharisees taught a practical form of Judaism, which wasn't really well-liked by the apocalyptic groups, like the Essenes and the Christians, who thought purity laws should be strictly observed at all times... 

(Quinn looks up at Stacy dazedly for a few seconds. Her dreidel collapses on the table.)

(Cut to shot of Tiffany, Ms. Barch, a few other female students, and Mr. Phelps at the South America booth. A girl has just handed Phelps a cup of coffee.)

**PHELPS:** (_with disdain_) I'm sorry, I just don't like Colombian. I prefer the **much** superior flavor of Guatemala Antigua. 

**BARCH:** (_rolling her eyes_) Aw **come** on, Snooty -- crushed beans and water ain't a whole lot different no matter **where** it comes from. 

**PHELPS:** (_cool, raising a brow at her_) With that attitude, Janet, you will **never** brew a decent cup of coffee. 

**BARCH:** And **you'll** never learn how to get that **stick** out of your ass. But may I remind you that some poor Colombian woman probably spent every day **slaving** away in the fields to harvest the beans that went into that coffee, while the **man** of the house just watched and sipped lemonade. 

**PHELPS:** I **really** don't think that's true --

**BARCH:** So **dammit**, you'll DRINK it!!

(Phelps presses his lips together and glares at her with resentment, but finally does what she says. Meanwhile Tiffany leans toward him.)

**TIFFANY:** Does **this** make me look fat?

(Cut to shot of some guys standing in the far corner of the gym, gazing at the festivities and smirking and laughing. Resume shot of Daria and Jane. Daria sees this, cocks a wary eyelid.)

**JANE:** Yeah, you have to start **somewhere**. But how far you **go** with multiculturalism depends on how important each person thinks it is. 

**DARIA:** (_sardonic_) Individual thought. Scary. 

**JANE:** (_shrugging_) I dunno... it kind of **is** scary. At least for people like Jodie, who have to worry about **some** idiots never getting a clue, no matter how much they're taught. 

**DARIA:** Hmm... yeah. 

**JANE:** (_sly glance_) And **admit** it, my friend. **You** could stand to have a little more cultural awareness in your life. 

**DARIA:** Perhaps. (_Bt. frowns_) Wait -- you're not saying **I'm** one of the idiots, are you??

(_Jane merely smirks wickedly -- and ducks._)

(_fade-out. fade-in to:_)

SCENE 5 (_Israel booth, a short time later_)

(Shot of Quinn and Stacy. The line has dwindled; now people mostly drift by. Quinn's given up on the dreidel -- she's now flipping through the book Stacy was looking at. Stacy's watching people go by. She sees Ms. Li, and gets a subdued expression.)

**STACY:** Hey, Quinn? Did you hear that Jamie White got suspended?

**QUINN:** Who?

**STACY:** You know -- the third J. 

**QUINN:** Ohhhhh. (_She forgot his name!_) How come?

**STACY:** He was standing up for Sandi to Ms. Li. He said she wasn't **so** mean, and that she'd apologized to **him** for stuff she'd done. 

**QUINN:** Oh. (_gets a funny look on her face._)

(_Pause_)

**STACY:** (_timid_) Do... you... think she said racist things?

**QUINN:** (_shrugging_) Sure she did. Sandi's capable of lots of stuff. 

(_Beat_)

**STACY:** I... don't know. Sandi wasn't so bad when me an' Tiffany went to visit her. She was even kind of nice... for her. 

**QUINN:** (_turning to Stacy. irritated_) Well of **course** she was nice. She knows she can't control you guys, anymore. But the **minute** she becomes president again, you'd better watch out. 

(_Beat_)

**STACY:** Um... yeah. (Pause. even more timid -- recognizing the hostility that is building within her friend.) Quinn?

**QUINN:** What?

**STACY:** I thought you told me that you don't hate Sandi, but she hates you. (_Bt_) What makes you think that?

(_Quinn tosses her hands in the air and glares at her._)

**QUINN:** **God**, Stacy, didn't you pay attention to **anything** she did when she was president?? (_Bt_) She never knew how to give a sincere compliment. She was **always** putting us down, especially **me**. She wouldn't listen to **anything** that didn't mesh with what **she** was thinking. **Oh**, and then there's the itty-bitty fact that she was **too** happy to use my vision problems as an excuse to **dump** me from the Fashion Club. So I dunno, Stacy -- maybe **that's** why I think she hates me!

(_Pause_)

**STACY:** (_quiet_) Wh-why d' you think she acted that way?

**QUINN:** How should **I** know?? She was probably just **jealous** of me. Maybe she doesn't **really** think she has what it takes and hated everyone who **does**. 

(Pause. Stacy cowers a little under Quinn's icy glare. She takes a few steps away.)

**STACY:** Oh. Oh-okay. (_Bt_) That m-makes... um, that makes sense... 

(_Beat_)

**QUINN:** (_mystified by the sudden change in her demeanor_) Geez, Stacy, what is **wrong** with you?? Why're you acting so **freaked** out all of a sudden?? You act like I'm gonna **bite**, or something. 

(_Pause_)

**STACY:** I-I... (_takes several deep breathes... is starting to hyperventilate._) I'm sorry, Quinn. 

**QUINN:** Well **snap** out of it. (_chuckles with irritation and amusement._)

**STACY:** I-I would, but... 

**QUINN:** What??

**STACY:** I-it's just... (_Pause_) I used to get scared around Sandi an' not say anything right because she was always so m-mean and angry. And I never felt that way around you... b-but now... (_Pause_) since you became president, y-you sometimes act just **like** her. 

(Stacy's mouth trembles; the instant these last words leave her mouth, she looks as though she regrets them. Quinn gazes at her -- first with astonishment, then anger, then with some sorrow. For the next several seconds neither speaks. Finally Quinn tosses a hand in the air with disgust.)

**QUINN:** Watch the booth, Stacy. I'll be right back. 

(_She goes to find Ms. Li._)

(Cut to shot of Daria and Jane walking on the other side of the gym. They've done most of their fair exploration, and are now ready to talk to Jodie.)

**JANE:** (_looking offscreen_) Hmm, Jodie's not at the Africa booth, anymore. Wonder where she went... 

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 6 (_outside, at that same time_)

(Shot of Jodie walking out of the gym, in the direction of her car. She's going to run and get the photos of her grandfather from Bermuda, as she promised the girl at the Caribbean booth. As she passes one building, the sound of faint, uncontrolled laughter hits her ears. Jodie stops, gets a suspicious frown. She creeps over and peers around one side of the building. From her POV, we see many of the guys Daria spied earlier, joking amongst themselves.)

**GUY:** ... Man, did you **see** all those freaky-looking outfits?? That **one** guy looked like such a big **homo**, I was ready to **pound** him one. 

**GUY 2:** Dude, let's do it after this **crappy** fair is over with. Or maybe we could figure out how to **trash** the fair so it ends early. 

**GUY:** No way, dude. Li would kick our asses out of school **so** fast --

**GUY 3:** So what?? It's what she'd do anyway, with all her friggin' suspensions. At least **this** way we could show 'er how we feel about having to go to a school that **kisses** minorities' asses. 

**GUY:** Yeah, I'm sick of having to play **suck** up to the stupid niggers and wetbacks. They're taking over!

**GUY 2:** You **said** it. And none of this touchy-feely **crap's** gonna make me see them as anything **but** niggers and wetbacks. 

**GUY 3:** So how 'bout let's **trash** the stupid thing. Show 'em who's boss!

**JODIE:** **Dammit**, you'd better not!

(She blurts these words without thinking. The guys turn and look at her, first shocked, then with smirks of rage and scorn.)

**GUY:** Ooh well look: the one who started it all. 

**GUY 2:** Awwww... so does that mean you're gonna go cry to your mama and Ms. Li and tell us **big** bad boys to stop??

**JODIE:** (_face reddening_) You shut the hell up. 

**GUY 3:** Hey, watch it, ho!

**GUY:** Easy, man. Don't go scaring the poor wussy bitch like that. You might make her go wah-wah to that cunt, Li, an' get us kicked out. 

**JODIE:** (_low voice_) It'd be what you deserve. 

(_Beat_)

**GUY 2:** Ooooh, well look: she **is** gonna go complain. (_immitation of a baby's whine._) Wahhhhhh-wahhhhh... I can't keep up with the whiiiiiiite kids!!!

**GUY 3:** (_playing along_) Wahhhhhhhh... I'm not as **smart** as 'em, my mama's on welfaaaare... my daddy's flipping burgers... an' the school's gotta teach Ebonics an' **crap** to me 'cause I can't speak good E-e-engliiiiish!!!

**JODIE:** That is **NOT** true!

**GUY:** (_ominous tone_) Y' know, bitch, I'm getting tired of your whining. Maybe you oughtta be taught a lesson in **fairness**. 

**GUY 3:** (_also ominous_) Maybe we oughtta show **you** who's boss. 

(The first guy cracks his knuckles and walks slowly toward her. The other two follow. Jodie goes pale, and trembles slightly, but holds her ground. The guy makes a motion like he's going to hit her, causing Jodie to cringe slightly. He then stares at her, starts smirking, and then cracks up. His cronies do so as well. They laugh loudly, pleased with their fake-out.)

**GUY:** Thanks a bunch, bitch. We'll have to do that again sometime... 

(He motions to the other two guys. Feeling that they've worked out their rage by teasing a black student, they no longer feel like taking revenge on the fair. Instead, they all jet away, leaving Jodie red-faced and shaking.)

**JODIE:** (_closing her eyes_) You're not worth it... you're not **worth** it... 

(_fade-out. fade-in to:_)

SCENE 7 (_sometime later_)

(Shot of Jodie standing alone at a tether ball court, not far from the gym. She's been standing there for a while, pushing the ball back and forth, sometimes softly, other times with a force that causes the ball to nearly be yanked off its rope. Her expression is blank, and her eyes look slightly glazed over. At long last, she closes her eyes, seeming very, very tired. A couple of tears squeeze through the crack in her eyelids and hover there. Suddenly, from offscreen, we hear the click-clattering sound of heels on the pavement. At first faint, they grow louder and louder. Jodie show no signs of hearing. Then:)

**SANDI:** (_offscreen_) **There** you are. 

(Jodie looks up. Without thinking, she takings the ball and hurls it in Sandi's direction. We see that it misses her by a hair, then flies back and smacks the pole. Sandi's haughty visage gives way to shock. She frantically checks out her hair and nails to make sure they've been undisturbed, then clenches her fists and glares at Jodie.)

**SANDI:** Like, what the HELL was **that** for?!

**JODIE:** (_not putting up with crap_) It's my way of saying **stay** AWAY from me!! I'M SICK OF **YOU**, AND PEOPLE **LIKE** YOU!!! God, you think you **OWN** THE WORLD!!! You think you can just **DICTATE** TO PEOPLE what's **fair** and HOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LIVE! (_sniffles._) And you just **bully** people who don't **agree** with you by hitting them where it hurts **most**! Well I've **been** hurt, and I don't want to be hurt anymore, so just stay the **hell** away!!

(With that, the tears flow harder down her cheeks. Sandi watches her, anger giving way to discomfort.)

**SANDI:** Geez... I guess this was the wrong time to come... 

(Pause. She turns away and starts to leave. But after taking a few steps, she looks back over her shoulder at Jodie. Jodie has covered her eyes and is leaning against the tether ball pole. Some of the tears on her cheeks drip onto her shirt. Sandi stands there stiffly, then glances around for someone to relieve her of this awkward situation. Finally she turns and reluctantly heads back over to Jodie. She reaches into her purse and extracts a lacy handkerchief.)

**SANDI:** (_stiff_) Um, here. (_offers it to Jodie._) You can, like, **use** it if you want. But it was specially designed by Calvin Klein **himself**, so try not to **stain** it too much. 

(long Pause. Finally Jodie makes a jerking motion with her hand to show that she refuses. She turns away and tries to wipe her tears off with her sleeve. Looking a tad insulted, Sandi puts the handkerchief back, then searches through her purse some more.)

**SANDI:** Well then maybe you could benefit from a few **skin** ointments. Puffy skin around the eyes is so **not** attractive. 

**JODIE:** (_sniff_) Why are you here??

(_Beat_)

**SANDI:** You, like, hung up the **phone** on me an' I **wasn't** going to go to your house, so I came **here** to tell you off. (_Bt_) Only that doesn't seem like the right thing to **do** now. 

(Jodie doesn't respond; she sinks down on the ground. Sandi stands over her, still looking torn about whether to leave or stay.)

**SANDI:** (_decisive_) I did **not** say racist stuff to you. I **wouldn't** say racist stuff to you. Perhaps I did a **few** things in the past to make you think -- (_interrupted by a sharp laugh from Jodie._)

**JODIE:** A **few** things?? (_sniff, cough._) You've never been anything but a complete **jerk**, even when you try to defend yourself. From the way you hurt **Jane**, it seems just **like** you to say hateful things to me if you thought I was a threat. (_Bt_) So what did I do, Sandi -- show you you're not as popular as you **think** you are, or something??

(Pause. During this time, Sandi's face has gone pale. She now glares at Jodie.)

**SANDI:** (_cool_) If you, like, weren't a crying **mess** right now, I'd tell you that your Little Miss Perfect act gets **really** annoying. And it's all a big **fake**. Who's the one saying nasty stuff to **me** --?

**JODIE:** Just **go** away. 

**SANDI:** No! Not until you tell Li I **didn't** say racist stuff to you. 

**JODIE:** (_dripping sarcasm_) Oh, fine, so this is why you came. (_sniff_) You just don't want to get a bad rep, is that it?? Well how am **I** supposed to believe you didn't say anything racist??

**SANDI:** Because I **wouldn't**. (_eyes narrowing._) I mean **yes**, you are **annoying** as hell, thinking that you're always so much **nicer** and better than everyone else. But that doesn't **translate** into a problem with your skin **color**. If I really wanted to **insult** you, I would start with your **pores** and work my way up to your hairstyle and **wardrobe** preference. 

(_Beat. Jodie listens, a sober look on her face._)

**SANDI:** Besides, when I think about that **other** stuff I did, I, um, (_gets an uncomfortable look on her face._) I... didn't want... I don't want that again. 

(_Beat_)

**JODIE:** Why not? (_Sandi gives her a freezing expression._) Just **tell** me. I want to know. 

(_Pause_)

**SANDI:** (_sort of mumbling_) Um, 'cause it was dirty. I, like, felt really **gross** afterward, and that is, um, **not** a feeling I want to live with. (_shudders._) And, um... (_Pause_) I don't usually get like that with people unless they **really** deserve it -- like **Quinn** and her stupid backstabbing. If she thought I didn't **know** what she was **up** to, she was **wrong**. I couldn't even be **real** friends with her 'cause I just **knew** she was waiting... (Pause. meets Jodie's eyes again, and jerks herself out of her rant, back into the present.) And, um... even when I get back at people, I um... don't... I never got back at them the way I did at that **Jane** person. 

(_Pause_)

**JODIE:** (_sober_) Why **did** you strike out at Jane like that?

(Pause. Sandi appears ready with an answer, but then stops and thinks for a long while. There is a barely perceivable slump in her shoulders.)

**SANDI:** (_quiet_) I wanted to be popular... I guess. She didn't **need** to be popular -- she was already **used** to being a nobody. And maybe I just thought being popular was the most **important** thing, and she wouldn't **care** if I said mean stuff about her 'cause she was used to it **already**. I didn't think it... I didn't think... 

**JODIE:** But you quit student council. (_Sandi frowns a little and cocks a resolute brow._) Was it because of how you felt about Jane, or because of what I said about the other members hating you?

(_Beat_)

**SANDI:** I guess I wanted to quit from the first day I got made the **stupid** Vice-President. (Pause. gets a disgusted look on her face, flings a hand at Jodie and turns away.) Well **geez**, I hope you're happy now that I've, like, told you my **life** story. I might as well just **go** home, since you're **obviously** not going to help me out... (_starts to leave._)

(_Jodie gives Sandi a long, hard lookover. She stands up slowly._)

**JODIE:** No, wait. (_Pause_) I'll tell Ms. Li you weren't acting racist. 

(Sandi turns to look at her, shocked. She wasn't even being manipulative this time around.)

**SANDI:** So you **believe** me, now??

(Jodie doesn't reply. She just motions at Sandi to follow her, and they head back toward the gym.)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 8 (_gym_)

(We see Daria and Jane. They've been shooting the breeze and gorging on more fair cuisine, and now they get stunned expressions on their faces as they see Jodie and **Sandi** heading in their direction. Just as they've reached them, from offscreen:)

**QUINN:** Sandi??

**STACY & TIFFANY:** Sandi!

(Sandi turns and looks with silent astonishment as Quinn, Tiffany, and Stacy approach her. Quinn's shawl is off, and her hair is in slight disarray. She at first looks stunned to see her nemesis, then irritated.)

**SANDI:** (_even-toned_) Quinn. 

**JODIE:** (_noticing her sour expression_) What happened?

**QUINN:** (_sarcastic_) I got **suspended**. (_to Sandi._) Thanks to **you**. (_to Jodie._) **And** you. 

**JANE:** Come again?

**STACY:** Quinn tried to tell Ms. Li that she didn't think Sandi was a racist, and Ms. Li suspended her. 

**TIFFANY:** Yeah. 

(Sandi gets a look of shock. Daria cocks an eyelid at her, then at Jodie. Jodie frowns.)

**JODIE:** Why? **You** didn't say anything offensive, did you?

**QUINN:** (_resentful_) No. But **she** didn't care. 

(_Beat_)

**JODIE:** That just doesn't sound right. 

**DARIA:** You mean Li not listening to reason and slapping her with an unduly harsh punishment?

**JODIE:** (_shaking her head_) I'm gonna go talk to her. 

(She leaves quickly. Daria nods at Jane, and they follow. They leave Sandi, still in shock, with Quinn, Tiffany, and Stacy.)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 9 (_Li's office, a short time later_)

(Shot of the outside. Cut to shot of Jodie, Daria, and Jane sitting in Ms. Li's office, with Li seated across from them in her chair.)

**JODIE:** Let me get this straight: you suspended Quinn Morgendorffer for protesting **another** student's suspension??

**MS. LI:** That is correct. 

**JODIE:** But **why**?? Her mother's the one threatening a lawsuit against the school because of racism. 

**MS. LI:** Ohhhh yes. (_cackles._) **Delicious** irony, isn't it?? (_Bt_) Oh, and while I'm at it, I've been meaning to suspend **Daria** Morgendorffer. And Jane Lane as well. 

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) Didn't see that one coming. 

**JANE:** Nope. 

**JODIE:** Ms. Li, with all due respect, isn't this rather **extreme**? Why not --?

**MS. LI:** (_irritated_) Ooh-hooo, **extreme**, Ms. Landon?? That is the **price** we pay for keeping the school free of violence or intolerance. (_Bt_) Of course, your **parents** could just teach you children how to **respect** other students' rights to exist, but ohhhhhh **no**! That would require them to take five minutes out of their hectic twenty-four-seven worrrrrkoholic **lives** to actually **communicate** with you. Better to just **leave** it to the schools -- then when some disturbed little monster spews bullets or fillllthy language at the student body, they'll know it's not **their** fault. 

(Pause. There's some truth to what Li said, and neither Jodie, nor Daria nor Jane, can deny it.)

**JODIE:** But even so... couldn't you just tone things **down**? Investigate the students who actually **say** nasty stuff, instead of ones who just **look** like they might? If you keep coming down on students based on flimsy evidence, you'll encourage a backlash. 

**MS. LI:** (_indignant_) Any **lawsuit** they throw at us we'll be **ready** for. Our actions are leeegally sound. 

**JODIE:** I'm talking about a **social** backlash. Bigots who always hated minorities could see this as proof that their hatred was justified, and feel they can **still** be mean because they don't have anything to lose. And the people who we actually **could** teach to be more tolerant might get resentful because they think they're being treated unfairly. 

(As Jodie says this, Daria looks a bit stunned by her change of opinion since they last spoke of the subject. Li, too, seems confused.)

**MS. LI:** You didn't seem to have these **objections** when I enacted the "zero tolerance" policy a week ago. (_suspicious._) What makes you suddenly so **concerned**??

(_Pause_)

**JODIE:** I guess because I recently learned that **my** judgment isn't foolproof. I was really sure Sandi Griffin had written the racist note to me. **So** sure, that I never even looked for proof. I mean, she was already spoiled and nasty -- her being white just drove me over the edge. 

**MS. LI:** (_surprised_) So you're saying Ms. Griffin is iiiinnocent??

(_Beat_)

**JODIE:** (_with slight hesitation_) At least she isn't **guilty**. (_Bt_) She told me some stuff that made me realize I'd come down on her too quickly. If she hadn't come to confront me, I might still be sitting on the ground outside, crying my eyes out. (Pause. She gets quizzical looks from Li, Jane, and Daria. Instead of explaining, she says, with realization:) Look, Ms. Li: what if you toned down your policy and created new ones that focused on students **talking**?? I've learned a lot more today about racial issues from doing **that** than from any other method. 

**MS. LI:** Ha **right**, missy! It'll be a **cold** day in **hell** before I relinquish the "zeeeeero" tolerance policy. Not with a group of minority parents **threatening** to cut my throat the moment one of their progeny gets an unkiiiiiind word. 

(Pause. Jodie lowers her eyes and turns her head toward Daria. She looks at her with a meaningful expression. Daria nods slightly and cocks an eyelid that says,"I concur." Finally Jodie turns back to Li.)

**JODIE:** What if I asked them to back down from their threat?

(_Beat_)

**MS. LI:** (_eyeing Daria_) What about your **mother**??

**DARIA:** I'll distract her with a newspaper headline about unequal pay for equal work. 

(_Pause_)

**MS. LI:** All right. If you can **do** that, then I'll agree. 

(Jodie looks back at Daria and Jane with a faintly triumphant smile. They smirk back at her. All is forgiven.)

(_cut to:_)

SCENE 10 (_Lawndale High, the following week_)

(_Shot of Jodie walking down the hall with Mack._)

**MACK:** (_shaking his head_) I don't know, Jodie. I **still** think you're letting them off too easy. 

**JODIE:** What d' you mean? Those jerks who made fun of me will still get investigated for saying nasty things. It's just that now, they won't automatically be guilty. 

**MACK:** It just seems like too easy a way for them to get away with what they did. (_Bt_) And as for Sandi: you **really** think she didn't write that note to you??

(_Jodie shrugs._)

**JODIE:** Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. I don't know **who** wrote it. Maybe one of those guys did. Maybe it was someone I never met. But the point is, for my own peace of mind, I'm gonna let it go. 

**MACK:** (_shaking his head again_) I don't know, Jodie... 

**JODIE:** (_resolute_) **Michael**, hating people and blaming people were just making me upset all the time. If I kept on doing it, I would feel even less comfortable in school than I did **before** all this started. I don't **want** to lose my friends, and I don't want to stop thinking that most people at this school are good. 

(_Beat_)

**MACK:** (_conceding slightly_) I see your point. But optimism alone isn't gonna curb racism. You have to get **agressive**, too. 

**JODIE:** (_patting his arm. encouraging_) Well then maybe **you** can be the watchdog for **both** of us. If you see anyone acting racist, or for that matter sexist or homophobic, speak up about it, and encourage others to do so, too. Just **please** don't let it drown out everything about you that's nice and decent, okay?

**MACK:** (_smirking_) Sure. 

(Meanwhile, cut to shot of Daria and Jane standing at their lockers. Both are holding books, and Daria is red.)

**JANE:** (_smirking_) Well, well... O'Neill **sure** knows how to give an apology. 

**DARIA:** He might have chosen a subtler approach than by staging the Irish Peace Accords. (_conceding._) But I suppose it was nice of him to say that the Northern Irish were victims, too, of pointless bloodshed in the name of religion. 

**JANE:** Yeah... and to think it was something he heard at the **fair** that made him change his mind. 

**DARIA:** There's that sweet taste in my mouth again. Pardon me while I go gargle some vinegar. 

**JANE:** (_smirking_) Speaking of fair, what happened to Quinn and her newfound faith?

**DARIA:** She dropped Judaism like a hot potato after flipping all those greasy ones. Then she immediately picked it back up. 

**JANE:** Why?

**DARIA:** It seems **Stacy** is really into Judaism now. She's learning Hebrew, ancient Jewish history, and the dimensions of Jennifer Grey's old nose. That, plus Tiffany knowing the finer details of Jewish holidays, and there's no way Little Miss Spotlight Seeker is going to be left behind. So they've all decided to make weekend pilgrimages to synagogue. I predict it will last until the next major sale at Cashman's. 

**JANE:** (_smirking_) But of course. (_Bt. glances around._) So this is Day One after the "zero tolerance" policy ended. Do **you** notice a difference?

**DARIA:** (_shrugging_) People seem slightly more braindead than usual, which must mean they're more relaxed. Otherwise, I'd have to say that this school doesn't **feel** more tolerant. 

**JANE:** Well there **is** the new, more **diverse** booklist O'Neill gave out yesterday. I'll admit (_shakes her book._), **Their Eyes Were Watching God** is **my** kind of tale. A woman breaking free of the chains of conformity. (_Bt_) Plus steamy love scenes, **lots** of 'em! **Yep**... my kind of tale. 

**DARIA:** (_cocking an eyelid_) Of course. (_Bt. holds out her book._) **All the Pretty Horses** isn't **so** bad -- though I plan to write my report on how McCarthy's attempt to show us the real Mexico falls flat on its face and instead produces an array of stereotypes that do more damage to Americans' view of our southern neighbors than did the stereotypes that were already in existence. 

(_Beat_)

**JANE:** That's... my Daria. 

(Before Daria can reply, we see Sandi walking past her and Jane in the foreground. Daria closes her mouth, and she and Jane observe her with silent interest. Just as Sandi is nearly offscreen, she stops, then slowly backpedals. Stands in front of Jane and Daria wearing an uncomfortable, yet haughtily resolute, expression.)

**SANDI:** Fine. I suppose it's time I got this **over** with, so we can **both** get on with our lives. 

**JANE:** (_faux innocent_) Get **what** over with??

(_Sandi doesn't respond, but instead eyes Daria with suspicion._)

**SANDI:** Must **she** be here?

**DARIA:** (_deadpan_) This **is** a free hallway. 

**JANE:** (_firm_) The friend stays. It's in our contract. 

**SANDI:** (_not getting Jane's playfulness_) Um... (_rolls her eyes, groans._) All right, **fine**. (long Pause, as Sandi tries to figure out what to say without lowering herself **too** much.) Like, I... stuff... there was... I did... I... 

**DARIA:** Easy, there. Don't try to get them out all at once. (_Bt_) A word a minute will do. 

(Sandi closes her mouth and glares at Daria. Jane cocks a brow at her friend as if to say,"Nice job, but that's enough.")

**JANE:** Finish with what you were saying, Sandi. 

(_Pause_)

**SANDI:** I... just, um... wanted to say. (_inhales, exhales deeply._) I did... **stuff** to you a while back that... I, um... like, shouldn't've **done**, or whatever. 

(Pause. She looks at Jane to see if that will suffice. Jane says nothing, looks at Daria. Daria cocks an eyelid.)

**DARIA:** And??

**SANDI:** (_frowning at her_) And I'm s-s... (_Pause. struggles to get out the words._) Well, I suppose I'm s-s-s... I'm... I should say that I'm... I'm (_Pause_) er, that I **apologize**. 

(Pause. Jane lets her eyes drift sideways, giving this some consideration. Finally she looks at Sandi and smirks.)

**JANE:** Apology accepted. 

**SANDI:** Um, good. (They very awkwardly shake on it, and Sandi shows proper tact by resisting the urge to wipe her hand off. Still blushing, she turns to Daria.) Like, tell Quinn I said **hello**, or whatever. 

(_She then leaves quickly. Daria's face registers faint disappointment._)

**DARIA:** Damn. No "sorry."

**JANE:** (_pleased_) Oh, I'm willing to bet she **was** sorry. 

(_Beat_)

**DARIA:** You're the judge. 

(Pan over to shot of Jodie, who stopped to watch this scene, unobserved by all three of them. She smiles a faint, hopeful smile, then walks on.)

THE END [roll the credits.........................]

COMMENTARY

This is another one of those grab-your-head-and-**scream** fanfics, along with "Outvoted" and "Surreal World." All three covered large social subjects (_politics and image; voyeuristic TV shows; racism_). And as with the previous two, I come away from "Primarily Color" feeling like I didn't show as much as I wanted. 

I actually expected all along that I'd feel that way. If I were to delve into **every** topic connected to race or ethnicity, including immigration, bi-lingual programs, issues about religion in school, interracial dating, Confederate flag -- friend or foe?, et cetera, I would need a novel. Or three. **And** the tone of my work would probably be more sober than it is in "Primarily Color." One thing that concerned me was that the tone wasn't heavy **enough**, given the subject. But then again, maybe that's a good thing, given how often race relations are portrayed in a really heated, emotional way. Perhaps this fanfic makes the issues of race a bit more accessible. 

I was also **very** tempted to make this fic into one that explored unfair treatment of groups outside the mainstream as well as of racial/ethnic minorities. But it seemed as though that would water things down waaaay too much, and I really didn't want to take away from Jodie's angst. 

Reasons for writing this fanfic? I guess one reason was because, while I've seen plenty of fanfics that deal with Jodie's mixed emotions toward being an overachiever, I haven't really seen one that's dealt with her feelings about being black. Yet the show gives plenty of evidence that she's very aware of her status as a minority and of her responsibility to other minorities. In "Gifted," she talks about having to be "Queen of the Negroes" at school, and of her desire to run a consulting firm that helps "minority startups." In "The Lost Girls," she criticizes Val for running a magazine devoid of a "multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, less **braindead** point of view." And in "Daria! The Musical," both Jodie **and** Mack sing wistfully of the town blowing away, making them the "majority." Although we've never seen either of them suffer from racial slurs, they surely **would** have at some point -- especially in a majority white school in a white, upper-middle class town. 

In fact, Lawndale and Lawndale High resemble **my** town/high school in many ways. And the incident of the racist note reminded me of one where some minority students came into our newspaper room, shaking with rage, because we had let an ambiguously racist message slip into print (some guy had written to his friend: "Get back on the boat as fast as you can"). The then-editor on staff immediately set to work creating a "sorry" issue, filled with writers' articles about how we're committed to diversity, etc. That helped launch a "culture week" at our school, which included a day of hugging and sobbing and sharing known as "Challenge Day" (_which I lightly mocked in the scenes with O'Neill_), and a "culture fair," which was similar in look and feel to the one I set up in Act Three. Did it make our school more tolerant? I didn't think so, but that's because teachers and administrators never really followed up on it. More on that in a bit... 

Another reason I wrote this fanfic is because I happen to live in a state that is the most racially/ethnically diverse in the union, and blessed with the challenge of finding ways for us all to "get along." Here (_especially in Berkeley, where I live_), topics of race/ethnicity come up almost daily. Oftentimes there's tension and hostility laced in these topics, like in this quote by the lovely Peter Knight, politician and founder of the so-called "defense" of marriage initiative:

"Today there are minority groups all over the country that are screaming and demanding and we as a people are giving into their demands, one right after the other. I don't think we can continue to do that and maintain these United States." (_San Francisco Examiner, Feb. 7, 2000_)

So I thought it'd be interesting to detail some of the issues at work. Not **all**, since, as I said, I would have required much more space. I wanted to see how a school like Lawndale High would react to some of these issues. 

You can guess I'm no fan of guys like Peter Knight, but otherwise, my feelings about racism are mixed. Above all, I wanted to show in this fanfic how **complicated** racial issues can be. For instance: can whites really be treated as a monolithic ruling group when some whites have been oppressed at the hands of others, and those whites were oppressed as well?? Such is the case with Ireland/Northern Ireland -- those of us who've been following world events know that both sides have put together a **very** delicate peace arrangement after years of bloodshed and hostility. In case you didn't understand Daria's brief speech about her Northern Irish ancestors, it was in reference to the Scotch Irish who settled in Northern Ireland because they were Protestant (_Presbyterian_), but were later persecuted because they were not Anglican. This caused a great exodus of Scotch-Irish to the "Colonies" in the early Eighteenth Century. 

What happens when it's not so easy to pinpoint a minority's heritage? Jodie and Mack, who are in touch with their black roots, still admit that theirs hasn't been a generic black experience. Jodie states in the last scene of Act Two that "Some of the discrimination Mr. O'Neill's been talking about is stuff **I've** never had to deal with." And Tiffany, whom I've made out to be adopted, shows that she knows more about Jewish tradition than about the culture of her birth. 

What about reverse racism? Could you call Jodie's hasty fingering of Sandi to be such an example?

Are lawsuits good or bad? The ending implies that they are bad, yet without the lawsuit Jodie's parents issued against the school, the dialogue on racism might never have never have surfaced. 

Overall, I tried to be even-handed, get everyone's opinion, without having this turn into a big mess. Sorry if things seemed a little too "We are the world" in Act Three: I had a hell-of-a-time figuring out how I was going to bring this all to a climax. 

But I guess my feelings on the subject are that lawsuits, or the guilt Helen spoke of in Act Two, may be an effective means of stirring racial dialogue, but that they aren't effective in the long-term. I'm more a believer in the talk-it-out strategy, though who knows if **that's** so effective either. But as Daria expressed in Act Two, I get irritated with discussions that reduce people to their race or ethnicity, and completely disregard the fact that people could bond via personality. But feel free to debate me if you wish. ; >

On a final note, I just wanted to let you know that this is my last continuum fic before Season Four. TDWU episode #15 won't arrive until after the first half of the season is over. However, before then, I intend to write a spinoff fanfic about Amy that spoofs "Providence," "Judging Amy," and "Suddenly Susan." Hopefully it will be out sometime **during** Season Four. Anyhow, with regard to the fifteenth episode of TDWU, here are a few goodies you can look forward to:

Learning the origins of Daria's name, and what it was **originally** going to be. 

Seeing Grandpa Barksdale in the flesh for the first time. 

Finding out what strange fates befell Helen and Jake's hippie friends. 

Yes, it's another **flashback** episode! Just for some background: it was always in my deck of cards that I would write a flashback ep. Long ago I thought,"Cool: I'll write about Helen and Jake's wedding!" But then I found out C.E. Forman was already doing that. I also had thoughts about writing an ep. of Daria and Quinn's childhood experiences... but found out John Berry was doing that. So I chose a "tweener" ep., one in which Daria isn't there... and yet she is. Basically this fic will revolve around Helen and Jake's feelings about their approaching parenthood... and how it wreaks havoc on their hippie values. Expect the Mistress of Sarcasm to make her presence felt in some way... ; >

As for other plans for my continuum, you can read about them in my upcoming essay,"The Off-Canon Approach."

Points of Interest

**Mack's reference to "The Boondocks":** For those who don't know, it's a comic strip about two black kids and their grandfather living in the white suburbs. And it's managed to stir up a lot of controversy. While some praise it for tellin' it like it is, others find the stereotypes of whites and blacks to be demeaning. I still enjoy it enough to read it on a regular basis. 

**Phineas T. Morgendorffer:** He, of course, was mentioned on Helen's web page. That he is a made-up ancestor is my attempt to explain what Helen meant by "If anyone asks... I'm going to have to tell them the truth."

**What is "Jewish"?:** The Morgendorffers' discussion of whether Judaism is a race, religion, or ethnicity just served to highlight the confusion many people have over it. I, personally, consider it to be a religion, though certain ethnic groups may have deep Jewish roots. It bugs me to no end when people think that Jews are a race apart. 

Jake's rant was reminiscent of my **mom's** feelings growing up as a Jew amongst Gentile families. Not mine: we tend to celebrate a kaleidoscope of holidays, including Christmas. ; > That's why it doesn't seem strange to me that Jake could celebrate Christmas later in life, especially if Helen were Protestant. His rant also made me think of Kyle in that one "South Park" episode about Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo. ; >

Quinn's superficial embrace of Judaism was, of course, a tongue-in-cheek nod to Michelle Klein-Hass's Lawndale, CT Continuum, in which Quinn actually takes Judaism quite seriously. 

**Andrea speaks!:** Andrea's speech in Act Two was a nod to "Addams Family Values," one of my favorite movies. In particular, it refers to the scene during the Thanksgiving play, when Wednesday recites the wrongs white Americans have done to Native Americans over the past few centuries. From there, the play quickly erodes into the Play from Hell. ; >

All together, now: "We lost the race with Farmer Ed. / Eat us 'cause we're good and **dead**." ; >

**History lesson:** **John Hyrcanus** was ruler of Judea under the Hasmonean dynasty, from 134-104 B.C. His family's century-long reign represented one of the few times when ancient Judea **wasn't** ruled by a foreign power (_this would end with the conquest by Rome_). He is generally credited with having the qualities of the mythical King David, including a desire to push the boundaries of Judea as far as they could go. 

**Judah the Maccabee**, in case you didn't know, helped fight off an attempt by the then-Greek ruler to destroy the Jewish Temple and build a Greek one in its place. Hannukah is derived from his success (_and you thought it was just a doppleganger of Christmas, didn't you? ; >_). Also, many future "great" rulers would model themselves after Judah, including Charlemagne. 

Much of this info, **and** the stuff Stacy was talking about, can be found in books like **From Text to Tradition** by Lawrence H. Schiffman. Think I read it on my free time? No -- I took a college course on the history of ancient Judaism, since I knew next to nothing... (And this is **not** an attempt to convert anyone... I just wanted to show that these facts aren't bogus.)

**Good literature:** The books Daria and Jane mentioned (**There Eyes Were Watching God** by Zora Neal Hurston and **All the Pretty Horses** by Cormac McCarthy) were both ones I read in college; the former (_an excellent book_) was almost required reading. Daria's comment about stereotypes in **All the Pretty Horses** was, in a nutshell, what I wrote in a paper for my "U.S. Representations of Mexico" history class. 

Now for some points on **characters**... 

**Jodie and Sandi:** Polar opposites, right? But opposites can attract... I don't mean in **that** way! But expect to see them interact more in a fairly unhostile manner down the road. As strange as this might sound, I actually think they have a lot in common. 

I don't think I made it clear in the fanfic, but Sandi quit student council prior to her encounter with Quinn in the bathroom in Act One. I reckon she quit not long after Jodie told her, in "Surreal World,"that she was hated by her fellow council members. 

So has Sandi turned over a new leaf?? Is she back with the Fashion Club???? I'm not telling. ; >

**Mr. Phelps:** He will make a more substantial appearance in fanfic #16. But you can tell, by his brief appearance here, that he is not beloved by Ms. Barch. ; >

**And ****WOW**: This is probably one of the rare fanfics that gives decent roles to Mack **and** Andrea!!!

Now it's time once again for THE MYSTERIES OF

This week, we'll explore the mystery of... the trailing dots. **Why** does it seem as though every other sentence I write... ends with trailing dots?

Because I get paid $100 for each period I insert into a fanfic, so the more the merrier!!!

In actuality, I don't know. I think I just don't like to end a sentence too abruptly. It makes me seem blunt, rude, harsh, at least IMO. In fanfic dialogue, trailing dots usually imply that the character is thinking out his/or words ever as he/she is speaking. But then, you probably already figured that out, didn't you... ? ; >

Aaaaaaaaand... I thought I might give the **GAMES** another try, since they were obviously popular enough that several other fanfic authors adopted them into **their** postscripts. ; > However, they'll be a little **easier** -- much like the **new** "Twenty-One" compared to the old "Twenty One." And they won't have a strict time limit (_meaning, you won't be forced to find answers before my next fanfic comes out_). Just answer the questions on your own time, and your reward will be... um, I'll be your best friend? **Nah, standard rules:** I'll lavish praise on you in my postscript. 

How many fanfics of mine do **not** contain a heated confrontation between one or more of the characters?? This heated confrontation could either be a shouting match (_a la Jodie and Sandi in "Surreal World"_) or a pivotal conversation in which one character tries to get another character to confess to something (a la Daria's challenge to Quinn in the bathroom in "Andrea Speaks!"). Hint: the answer may be **none**. ; >

Okay, so **you** tell **me** if this question is easier... 

Oops!

Okay, it seems as though a lot of you had trouble understanding the title of my last fanfic. Just in case you still don't know,"Erin the Head" only makes sense **phonetically**. Say the first word slowly, and it comes out to "**Air** in the Head," or airhead. ; >

Acknowledgements

I **must** give a hearty thanks to Paperpusher, lawyer extraordinnaire, for beta-reading and helping me with the legal nitty-gritty in this fic. If I've screwed things up royally, he's not to blame. Or is he?? ; >

To those of you who have my stuff showing at your websites: if you don't have a URL, and I haven't sent you my latest fic(_s_), just write a polite e-mail to bug me... : >

If anyone'd like to join my mailing list, e-mail me at scar@uclink4. berkeley. edu

So the **new** and **improved** Lawndale Commons is up and running, and SEASON FOUR is in two weeks!!!!! Oh, and thanks for reading!

This fanfic is the property of Kara Wild, copyright February 2000. All rights reserved. 


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